Life As "Lucy"...

Finally some sibling pics

2012-02-28T15:06:00.001-08:00

Here are just a few pics from the photo shoot a. Cutting photography did today of my babies<3 pretty dang perfect of I may say so myself!

Back Home

2012-02-17T22:17:00.000-08:00

So sorry that I haven't updated on Corey before now. He's much better. He got a terrible virus after already being sick with a cold and being only one month old, his body didn't handle it so well but needless to say, he is back to his normal self. he was released monday after spending the entire weekend in the hospital and being pumped full of antibiotics every 3 hours to kick the funk he had.

Caylee was also sick but thankfully not contagious. We found out Monday morning that she had a terrible sinus infection. This weather in Georgia is one that will knock you on your butt. It has been in the low 70's lately and then last week it dropped to like 40 something- which while doesn't seem like much, is a huge thing to get used to when we didn't even have a slight show of winter here this year. Here is to hoping that all of the sickness is gone! That was so hard to go through.

I also wanted to say thanks to everyone who commented, emailed, texted, facebooked, etc. It was nice to see all of the support while my baby boy was sick!

Also, I'd just like to say welcome to my new followers! I haven't been blogging much lately [as you probably have seen I just had a baby so it's been crazy hectic trying to rearrange my life for two children now instead of 1]. So please bare with me, and also feel free to introduce yourselves. I will try to email you back asap! and sorry to the people I follow for not commenting as often as I should! it's been crazy! hopefully things slow down soon!! Have a great President's day weekend everyone!

Hospital stay

2012-02-11T14:25:00.001-08:00

well I sit here blogging from a hospital room. last night corey was admitted for a high fever. rob came home with some sort of virus and because of a cold corey just previously got over, his immune system was not strong enough to fight it on its own. after an iv, catheter and a spinal tap he was admitted and administered several different antibiotics. fever is finally gone and hes starting to be more awake. we're here for a minimum of 48 hours and all I can say is I hope I never have to hear my baby scream like this again...

smiley360.com—Be Heard. Be Happy.

2012-02-10T08:26:00.000-08:00

So I wanted to take a second to mention a new review/free sample website a friend of mine told me about. Smiley 360 takes a second to sign up for. You answer a few questions and are sent a product to try and review. You earn smileys and over time you are sent more and more products for review. It's seriously so easy and if you click the link I have posted and sign up, I earn smileys! You won't regret it! i just got my first product which is a full size bottle of children's advil! anyway, as I said, it only takes a second so sign up! =]

smiley360.com—Be Heard. Be Happy.

Corey pictures

2012-02-09T18:16:00.000-08:00

So Ashley came over today and took these and I just thought they were too perfect to not share! so here it goes =]

Hello there!

2012-02-08T19:00:00.000-08:00

I totally feel like the worst blogger ever. I have to admit I don't have much to say. Much of my day consists of playing with Caylee and being a source of breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, and dinner to the Corey-Monster. Let me tell you- breastfeeding is time consuming but I absolutely love it. I almost gave up after the first week from the pain but I kept at it and it's totally successful. Tomorrow my little man will be a MONTH OLD! he's already holding his head up completely on his own. He's such a happy baby [aside from when mommy drinks milk]. We have been told he has lactose issues so lactaid for mommy it is. He's gained about 2 1/2 pounds since he was born and grew over 3 inches! he's a total momma's boy!

Caylee didn't really care for him at first but now she's even trying to share her favorite stuffed animal. She actually held him the other day too! I was thrilled! Things are going smoothly- even with Rob now back at work!

Now for the news we got a few weeks ago- Rob will more than likely be deploying in the fall to Afghanistan. We new that since his deployment to Iraq was canceled it was bound to happen but we didn't expect it that soon. It kind of hit me like a ton of bricks. I cried and cried and cried. Let's be honest here- Afghanistan is a whole new ball game from Iraq. It's been my biggest fear since we've been married and although I'm thankful he is on the honorguard now and won't be doing his actual job as an engineer- I don't want him to leave. And what sucks is that he's leaving only 3 months later than the age he left when Caylee was little. Yet again he'll be missing all of the firsts. And unlike everyone else in the military, Rob doesn't get a 9 month deployment- he'll be deploying for a year because his unit is considered "support". On the bright side, this deployment will possibly get us the heck away from where we are currently stationed. He reups when he gets back and that means we can possibly leave! Also, it gives us plenty of time to get our savings built up for when we go to sell our house. I'm trying to see the bright side. I hope when the time comes, I can be as strong if not stronger than I was last time!

Speaking of deployment, My wonderful friend Ashley [the girl who also has taken all of my photos] has been trying to talk me into temporarily moving to Colorado with her. Her husband leaves 3 months after Rob but his deployment is only 9 months so that would put the guys coming home at the same time. She wants me to move with her while the guys are gone and honestly, I don't think I want to go through deployment with her all the way across the country. In all honesty, she's one of the best friends I have ever had. she's like me in so many ways and I know she's who I can depend on to be my rock when Rob's away. So lots of thinking I have to do. Rob says go for it but I can't imagine leaving my home for that long lol.

me and my babies

this was actually just the other day and the first time she held him! she's really warmed up to him

daddy corey xbox time =]

sometimes corey just likes to remind daddy that even though he's momma's baby he loves his daddy too

momma's big boy <3

Any way. Please forgive my lack of blogging lately! I promise soon enough I'll get back in the swing of things! here are a few pics of the kids =]

Photo Card

2012-01-16T17:02:00.001-08:00

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1st update since baby corey was born

2012-01-15T09:01:00.000-08:00

Well things are going fantastically. I honestly never expected to not have one child who was so well-behaved- but two. Corey sleeps about 3-3 1/2 hours during the day and about 2-3 hours at night with about one hour total of awake time during the day.

I am breastfeeding and at first it was a struggle. He was latched on correctly but from his first cluster feeding I was so sore and thought I couldn't do it. I actually had given up- bought bottles and formula and he had taken two bottles with formula [spit both up] and then the 3rd one he flat out refused so I then realized, my little man is a booby boy so breastfeeding it is. He's doing so much better now [aside from the occasional times when he decides to gum me like i'm some chew toy or something lol] and I'm finally alot less sore! I'm in minimal pain [a little cramping but nothing major] and my tummy is already pretty much flat again. i lost about 15 pounds almost instantly and have since lost a few more. I'm on no gym orders until my 6-8 pp checkup but i'm sure the extra baby weight will drop off instantly. Honestly I may just tone up and lose some of my gut because I'm looking pretty good if I may say so myself lol.

As for Caylee, she's not really sure how to take him. She gets very sad if he cries but she doesn't really have much to do with him. She said she doesn't really like him because he just sleeps all the time and she thought he'd play with her toys with her. It's kind of cute if you think about it! I can't wait til he's more aware because I just know she'll click with him right away. She does love to give him kisses but not much more than that.

I'll have more pics soon =]

COREY MICHAEL IS HERE!

2012-01-11T19:38:00.000-08:00

Monday afternoon at around 130 pm I began having severe contractions. I thought that it probably wasn't a good idea to go in after how many times they had sent me back before and that I didn't want to be just sent home. It was the day of the BCS championship [aka the day lsu - my favorite college team- was supposed to kick ass SUPPOSED]. At around 5 pm i could not even walk without having to stop during contractions [which were about 4-5 minutes apart]. We decided it would be a good idea to go and get checked. between the 5 minutes it took to get up to the hospital and the 30 minutes it took for them to get me hooked up to the machine- my contractions were completely TERRIBLE and off the charts and only minutes apart. Upon being checked at about 630- I was only 5 cm. I was checked again at about 8 and had gotten to 7.5 cm and my contractions were to the point where in all honesty, death would have been more pleasant. It was so bad a few actually had me on the brink of passing out.

After my blood work was finally done -around 9 pm- i was told I could finally get my epidural. I fought through TWO mind altering contractions during my epidural insertion. about 2 minutes later the ob came in to let me know she was going to break my water- my feet weren't even numb yet. When she went to break it - before she could even get near me, my water broke and shot at her [it was quite hilarious]....

i was then checked and corey was already on his way out- epidural not even fully in affect. I pushed for about 7 minutes [through slight pain as my epidural slowly but surely kicked in] and at 9:20 pm our beautiful 6 pound 15 oz 19 3/4 in long [only difference in weight and length between he and caylee was exactly ONE POUND] baby boy let out his first cry! He is the most astonishing little being I've ever seen and he's so wonderful already. Here are a few sneak peaks of some of his pics. I'll L&D [none graphic of course] to upload soon! Also- take the time to watch the beautiful video my wonderful friend and photographer made!

No end in sight

2012-01-07T09:11:00.000-08:00

39 weeks today. and the last week I've had contractions less than every 2 minutes non-stop but am only dilated to about 3.5/4 so they are just making me deal with it. I was seen yesterday- I can hardly walk- the pain is so hard to push through... I was put on what they call a "rolling induction list" basically- because I'm not in danger and corey is not in distress I have to wait until they have time for me to be induced which could be God knows how long. Praying he comes on his own soon- not sure how long I can take the no sleep and pain. Rob and I have officially decided he is going to get a vesectomy. I never want to experience this again. On another note: I'm so ready to hold my little man!

Pregnancy update [almost 37 weeks]

2011-12-24T12:26:00.000-08:00

Well the past few days I've been having some nasty contractions. Yesterday I started with this burning pain down my stomach and when it got unbearable I went in. In less than a week I went from 0% thinned 0 cm dilated to 75% thinned and 2.5 cm dialated. I'm having contractions but they are irregular and the burning is from muscle separation [I officially will never have my old abs without plastic surgery lol]. So now it's a waiting game. I dilated very quickly with Caylee but seeing as this pregnancy is completely different in every aspect I'm assuming I am going to sit at 2.5 for a week or two lol. Almost there and ready to have this baby boy make his interest- New Years Baby?! LETS HOPE!

Christmas Cards

2011-12-20T07:38:00.000-08:00

Well i'm a little late but here is ours!

36 week update

2011-12-18T06:29:00.000-08:00

Wow- we're in the home stretch. I feel like I haven't posted in forever. I honestly haven't felt like doing much.

As far as pregnancy- I'm just spent. I'm constantly hurting- get contractions on and off, pee about 200 times a day. I went in on Tuesday & I am only slightly thinned and my cervix is still closed which is GREAT seeing as my doctors were afraid I would have him early like I did Caylee. I have officially made it past the point I was when I had her and that just makes me super excited, no matter how much pain i was in. I know she was healthy, but when my OB told me he needs to stay in longer because boys developed slower- I knew I needed to take it easy and make it to at LEAST 38 weeks. So here is to hoping for a 1/1/12 baby [which would be neat seeing as our anniversary is 11/1 and caylee's birthday is 8/1] I'll put a pic up but it's from last week. I haven't done this weeks picture yet!

My wonderful friend Celina found out I had never had a baby shower and wasn't planning on having one this time either and actually threw me one last weekend. It was the seriously the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me and showed me what a real friend is supposed to be like. I was so surprised at the turnout, especially since I don't get out very much here. out of the 21 people that RSVPed only 3 didn't show up! I got tons of diapers, a few clothes, tons of baby wash, the amazing arm&hammer diaper pail i wanted and little odds and ends. It was seriously a great day and i'll never forget it!

Corey's room is ready to go. We have to do his "corner" of our room. I'm so excited because I got an Arm's Reach Mini Cosleeper for only FIFTY BUCKS used but in LIKE NEW condition. these sell for about 150 brand new. So now I have the perfect height to just turn over, slid him on my bed and feed him. I figured it would make breastfeeding a LOT easier. I also got a plastic 3 drawer container for in my room for the odds and ends like extra clothes, blankets, swaddle wraps, diapers, wipes, etc so I don't have to get out of bed and run across the hall when I'm half asleep. His diaper bag is packed and ready to go- all I have left really is to back my bag [which is halfway done] and Caylee's overnight bag for Celina's house while I'm in labor. I'm so anxious and ready and scared and a million emotions in one. I'm ready to see his handsome face and know who's features he has. I feel like I'm dreaming - that this whole pregnancy has been a dream. It's almost here and IM SO READY!

What's Your Song- This one's for hubby!

2011-12-08T07:22:00.000-08:00

Well I missed the actual link up this week but i figured i would post anyway. Head on over to Goodnight moon and check out the other awesome songs of the week! So as you all know. I'm almost 35 weeks pregnant with our baby boy! When I was pregnant with my daughter, Carried Underwood came out with "All American Girl" and now this song has come out. Talk about send mommy into a crying spell and well daddy too. I'll never forget Rob's face the first time he heard this song. The tears filled his eyes and he got the biggest grin on his face and said yep, that's gonna be my boy! and even in pregnancy, I already know Corey Michael is JUST like his daddy! So enjoy, and get a good laugh. Those with boys- you'll understand it right away.

Maternity Shoot

2011-12-06T11:36:00.000-08:00

My wonderful friend and photographer Ashley Currin with A. Currin Photographer. Did these amazing pics for me! I had to share! ENJOY!

PS. THE BELOW IMAGES ARE COPYRIGHTED IMAGES- THEY ARE OWNED BY ASHLEY CURRIN & A. CURRIN PHOTOGRAPHY. ANY USE OF THESE IMAGES WITHOUT GIVING PROPER CREDIT WILL RESULT IN SERIOUS CONSEQUENCES!

Why not all people who are in the military DESERVE admiration!

2011-11-17T03:04:00.000-08:00

So an incident occurred yesterday that not only completely stunned me but was a prime example of why I respect others but don't see everyone as "good people", despite whether or not they are in the military. For the most part, you associate someone in the military as someone who is supposed to be respectful, honorable, WELL-BEHAVED. Those of us who are around the military a lot know that this is SO FAR from how it actually is. Now I'm not trying to give anyone who knows nothing about the military a bad idea of what soldiers [and well spouses too] can behave like but here is what happened to me yesterday afternoon. And this is a prime example of why most men in the military do not have much respect for a good portion of the women in the military.

My husband accompanied me to my 31 week OB appt [which puts me at the last week of being 7 months pregnant] and before he had to return to work we decided to head off post to fight the crazy lunch traffic of soldiers and go to taco bell [yuck but he loves it lol]. We had been there about 15 minutes. I was in a lot of pain so I had gone to sit down in a booth facing the window to wait while he got our food. Mind you, the place is packed full of people. After being there those 15 minutes, this small group of soldiers walks in consisting of 2 female soldiers and a few guys [all whom were lower enlisted- between private and specialist]. about 3 booths away, in the booth directly under the window I was facing, they sit down after placing their orders. Between playing on my phone and looking out the window, I sat just waiting on the food to be ready when suddenly I hear one of the female soldiers loudly say [excuse the language] "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU FUCKING LOOKING AT STUPID BITCH?!" and I kind of look around trying to figure out who she's talking to-what's going on when I realize, she's staring directly at me. I kind of shake my head in surprise and say that I was just looking out the window. She proceeds to then tell me that I was trailer trash and that she would "fuck" me up. I kind of just sit there stunned for a second, not really knowing what to say and then I proceed to say "I'm trailer trash? yet you are the one in your MILITARY uniform yelling at a pregnant woman because she "looked at you" when you don't even know for sure that's what I was doing. Have a little more respect for the army and behave!" She then proceeds to tell me how she doesn't give a "fuck" if I'm pregnant she's gonna fuck me up and all this other non-sense that I really lost track of. Mind you this woman was overweight, her uniform was a HOT MESS, and she didn't have a combat patch or anything else to show she deserved any sort of respect. She is still going off on me as I just kind of look at her- which just sets her off more and my husband slowly walks over, looks at her and says "If you put your hands on my PREGNANT wife, it'll be one of the last things you do. We have a room full of NCO's and officers in here PRIVATE so I suggest you take a seat and remember you have your uniform on so ACT LIKE IT" and she just kind of gasps and sits down while the officers and NCOs who were there kind of nod at me.

It was the craziest thing I've ever experienced. My husband said she's either one of two type - she's the type of woman who thinks because she is in the military she's earned some type of credit- that she thinks she's owed something when she's done nothing but probably fail at runs and get in trouble constantly by her NCOs or two she's one of the female soldiers who hates spouses simply to do so and attacks anyone she paints to be a spouse just because she can- because she holds herself to a higher standard because she is actually in the military. I mean I've seen "bad" soldiers but never have I had direct contact with someone like this. It was disgusting and quite embarrassing that people like THAT are allowed to make our military look badly. That there was a room full of high ranks and not a single person said anything to her and she was allowed to run around like a rabid dog. A friend asked me why I didn't take her name and rank and my exact response was "If she behaved like this over someone "looking at her" i can only assume that she's not doing so well with her leaders in the military so I'm sure they already know all about her bad attitude" - Had I not been pregnant, or my daughter had been with me- this probably would not have ended with us just getting up and leaving the place. The cops would have been called and she would have learned a thing or two.

IDIOT!

AMAZING NEWS!

2011-11-15T07:49:00.000-08:00

Rob and I have been married over 4 years now. We were married in a 4 minute ceremony in a courthouse in Kentucky because well, we couldn't afford anything else. We were 18 & 19 and weren't even planning on saying "I DO" that day- but when the JOP offered up his time, we jumped right on it! In 7th grade I made "THE BOOK"- you know with the dream wedding I'd want when I finally got married. From the dress, to the flowers, to the outfits I'd wear on my honeymoon- I had it all picked out! I didn't get that and while sometimes I am envious of the huge weddings some of my friends and family members have gotten- that day I married my husband was PERFECT for me. No family drama, it wasn't about anyone else or impressing others with the fancy dress and decorations- it was all about him and I and that's how it should be.

Well Rob knows I still have a little regret about not having an actual wedding and he signed us up for Weddings for Warriors- TODAY I received an email that out of 60 couples, we were one of the 30 chosen for a Vow Renewal.... ALL EXPENSES PAID! even the dresses, hair makeup, photography, food- all of it is provided. We will have a reception- are allowed 8 guests and I instantly cried the moment I read the email!

Now here is the tivvy lol. It's JANUARY 18th- I'm due January 14th so unless corey comes in December- we're seriously pushing it. But this is a once in a lifetime oppurtunity that we don't want to miss out on.

I just want to take a moment to thank the Wedding for Warriors program for making something so simple come true for our family! <3

30 weeks!

2011-11-07T15:25:00.000-08:00

Wow, I cannot believe that I am already 30 weeks pregnant! It's crazy! Can't believe that in less than 7 full weeks I will be considered "fully term"! My little man will be here in a little over 2 months and I just can't put into words how ecstatic I am, how happy Rob and Caylee are. She's so pumped to be a big sister and it just melts my heart.

As far as the pregnancy: things are pretty nasty in my 3rd trimester. I'm getting headaches frequently again- the heartburn... oh gosh the heartburn is like i'm a fire breathing dragon. I've got the worst pelvic pain and pressure- something I never experienced with Caylee. Some days it is so bad I literally can't walk and end up in tears if I have to for any reason force myself to. Thankfully still no sign of stretch marks and I'm hoping it stays that way!

With all the downsides of the end of pregnancy, I'm still so happy. I'm ready to hold my perfect little boy in my arms! Well here is the 30 week baby belly pic =]

29 weeks & 4 year anniversary

2011-11-01T21:33:00.000-07:00

Well 29 weeks is here [well it was here on Sunday lol] and I'm just in crazy disbelief at how fast time has flown by. In a 2 month time frame I will be holding my baby boy in my arms! People are taking guesses on when he's coming and I'm saying either Christmas or New Years Day [leaning more to the 1st of January since 1 seems to be our number {Caylee was born on the 1st of August, we were married on the 1st of November}] I'm so beyond words and I still feel as if I am dreaming.

He's a monster child. I'm to the point where I'm in constant pain and can hardly even walk. I waddle everywhere I go and my stomach feels so stretched out I can't breathe lol. This pregnancy is so completely opposite of my pregnancy with Caylee! And here is my 29 week pic =]

Yesterday- the 1st- was our 4 year wedding anniversary. We didn't do anything super special seeing as we have baby stuff left to get and money is tight at the moment but we didn't mind. Rob got me roses, a card and even surprised me with an Eggnog milkshake that I have been talking about for weeks. That was better than any huge gift I could have gotten in all honesty lol. Way to win a pregnant woman's heart=feed her cravings!

It was weird today to think that 4 years ago we said I do. It's crazy to me that I would have ever been able to love him more than that day but honestly I do. It amazes me how much I love him- how much he loves me. How we've gone through so much together and we still haven't lost that chemistry. He's still my best friend and I can't imagine growing old with anyone other than him. It's wonderful to think I'm going to grow old and grey-haired with Rob. That makes me get little butterflies.

So off I go. I hope everyone has a wonderful night! Thanks for reading =]

Decisions

2011-10-24T16:41:00.000-07:00

Decision:

Yep. We make about a million of them from the moment we are like able realize the things going on around us as babies. Obviously the older we get, the harder our decisions in life become. For example, as a 5 year old, one's hardest decision is deciding which toy they want to play with more- the barbie doll or the tonka truck lol. As 14, we go to high school and determine which group of people we are going to fit into. At 18 we decide on a college, in our 20s we decide on starting families or waiting as well as careers. I mean it's crazy the things we are forced to think about throughout our life.

Recently, I made the decision to take a break from school. I'm more than halfway done with an Associate's Degree in Psychology. I decided to break because I was attending school online and for me, it's just not enough. Sadly, I am now in a predicament about whether or not my degree is the right one. I was hoping to someday work with PTSD patients but after more research and the fact that we live in a black hole with limited amounts of GOOD education choices- I've decided the right decision for myself may be to in fact change my whole choice for my future.

I've been set on psychology since about 15. I knew since I left Louisiana what I wanted to focus on and why. It means the world to me. With our economy the way it is, however, as well as the lack of good colleges with a psychology program in the area I am studying- I've sort of been put in a tough spot. Either I can wait an undetermined amount of time when we PCS and hope they have an excellent school I can get my degree or I can switch my career path completely and actually build a life for myself aside from just the mommy/housewife aspect.

As much as I love my children and my husband- I want more. One day they are going to leave and I don't want to be in my late 30s questioning my choices and regretting the fact that my life passed me by and I did nothing for ME. I want more, I've always wanted more and I don't think that just because I was married at 18 and a mommy shortly after that I have to let go of the rest of my life and give up on my own dreams. I mean, what is life really without dreams of our own. My kids are going to grow up and move away, build lives of their own- my hubby will probably stay in the military [if he's able] and I will need something for me. So with these thoughts, I've decided to switch to nursing. I'm going to go talk to a career counselor and see what I need to do to get on the right path. I plan on waiting til at least next august or so [when caylee starts pre-k] before I actually going back to school but I figure a start is something. Getting educated about my choices and getting the steps in place to take. I'm hoping to either double major or minor in psychology and who knows, maybe someday I will be a psychiatric nurse. I need something for me and I don't want to wait til my kids are grown to do it. Wish me luck =]

ITS OFFICIAL!

2011-10-22T14:15:00.001-07:00

MY HUSBAND'S BATTALION'S DEPLOYMENT ORDERS HAVE BEEN CANCELED! THEY ARE NOW NO LONGER DEPLOYING TO IRAQ AS SCHEDULED IN NOVEMBER AND HE WILL BE HERE FOR THE BIRTH OF OUR SON! EXCUSE THE CAPS BUT OMG OMG OMG OMG!

Cupcake Crybaby!

2011-10-12T19:43:00.000-07:00

Seriously- the title says it all! I was eating cupcakes and balling my eyes out. Here is the chain of events:

Today was a little rough. My 3 year old little girl has been a monster child today. She's usually seriously PERFECT. She's such a good child- almost creepily good. Today, however, she was a demon on meth [okay maybe not that bad but OMG she tested me] She was put in timeout THREE TIMES in less than 2 hours [that's like a record, she's not even been in time out that many times in one day before] and then she was sent to bed over an hour early because she decided to throw a hissy fit at dinner then fling food at me. My heart was literally broken because I've never had to be "mean mommy" with her. Usually she gets it the first time and for the most part doesn't do it again. I was already a bit sad about this. So hubby suggested us making cupcakes [when do cupcakes not make the world a better place?] and this is where the real fun began.

As I was giving him the list of what I was lacking in my cupcake making rendezvous, I specifically asked him to make sure NOT to get WHIPPED frosting- it literally makes me sick to my stomach. He goes to the store and what does he bring home- WHIPPED FREAKING FROSTING! I bake the cupcakes and figure WTH cupcakes are cupcakes. Later on when they are ready and frosted and I take a bite I literally start crying my eyes out because they are so gross [as I said- I HATE WHIPPED FROSTING] and yelling about how he couldn't even care enough to just get the right dang frosting- that he was selfish and inconsiderate! Yep I did it. I had a completely Psycho prego hormone meltdown over a dang cupcake. I'm mortified and that I acted that way just makes me want to crawl under a shell and cry some more. DANG YOU STUPID CUPCAKES AND STUPID HORMONES! WAAAAAHHHHH

"My Way or No Way"- PYHO

2011-10-12T08:20:00.000-07:00

I'm stubborn and sometimes a know it all. I admit that. Sometimes I get a ~~little~~ [lot] pushy when I know I am right or if I feel extremely strong about something. However, I do try to respect others and not be a complete and total "WENCH" when I am trying to get my opinions or beliefs across....

Now the reason I say that first is because some people don't feel the same. They are rude and mean to ANYONE who has a different opinion than them. Here is what i'm talking about:

I had a hard time breastfeeding my daughter. She was born early and spent several hours in the nursery so I was not able to nurse right away with her. It literally broke my heart when I gave up attempting to breastfeed and so many times since then I've had people say things such as "Well you just gave up to easily, you weren't determined to give your child the best thing for her" [MY INTERPRETATION: "You're lazy and you suck at parenting because you wanted to shove formula down her throat, therefore setting her up to die at an early age because everyone knows breast is best!" or things like "You just didn't have a clue what you were doing and wanted to take the easy way out." [MY INTERPRETATION: You're an idiot who was more concerned with getting a "break" from your crying infant than doing what everyone knows is the one and only way to be a good parent

Okay okay. So now that I covered that part, I'll move on to the next:

So I was a part of this group "Breastfeeding Moms; Past Present Future" or something similar to that on FB [oh god- yes I joined groups on FB other than selling sites- WHAT AN IDIOT lol]. I'm going to start off by saying it was great at first. You see, since I'm almost at the end of this pregnancy with my son, I'm DETERMINED to breastfeed first year of Corey's life- not that I regret formula feeding my daughter or that I bash any mom that does choose to formula feed but simply because I want the experience I was unable to have with my daughter. Okay so anyway- Not only is breastfeeding talked about but occasionally mom's will ask for advice. One mother posted about how she tried the CIO [cry it out] method and it just wasn't for her. Several moms posted their experiences with it, some for it, some against it. I decided to share my experience which consisted of something like this:

My husband deployed shortly after our daughter was born [well at 5 months but with the training before he was only home about 2 months of that 5] and the only way I felt I could keep my sanity and to get things done with no help [I had no family or friends at that time really so I was on my own and the one person I trusted to watch my daughter so I could have a break, I ended up catching getting SHWASTED with my daughter asleep on the floor] was to sometimes let her cry it out. It worked for us. She would never cry longer than 10 or 15 minutes and quickly she learned to self-sooth. I also stated that although I may or may not use it with this child, it is not for everyone nor for every child- that you have to pick and choose what works best. For my daughter, it happened to work but for others it's simply not an option and it happened to keep me sane at a time I very much needed to be sane.

So from this post, this VERY RUDE girl posted about how I was lazy and a terrible mother. That my daughter will end up "fucked in the head" because I would not pick her up [mind you as I said previously, she NEVER cried more than 15 minutes and this only lasted a few times] and then she continued on to say that someone should take my child from me and any other parent who allows their child to self-soothe or cry it out. She then begins to imply that this should also be the same for parents who do not EBF [exclusively breastfeed]. Can we say I sent her a PM [I was simply not going to take part in a public argument on a FB group] telling her that I really felt sorry for the fact that she was so uneducated and so set in her ways that she saw only her own beliefs and views on parenting as the RIGHT way. I then proceeded to tell her to contact me in about 10 years and we'll compare the way our children act and see if me allowing my daughter to cry it out really screwed her up emotionally and mentally. To anyone who knows me personally and who knows my daughter, you are probably laughing your butts off now. My daughter is the sweetest, most loving little girl I know. She is extremely advanced and intelligent for her age and the only "attachment" issues she has comes from the fact that her father is a soldier who has had to miss out on a huge part of her life- so therefore when he leaves for longer than a week, she has a hard time adjusting- but tell me what military child is NOT that exact same way. And the older she gets, the better she gets at handling people leaving- the more ways I can show her that they come back.

So the just of this post: Not only do you prove your stupidity when you fight with people to say that your way is the only way, but you make them even less likely to see your point of view.

Up In The Air.

2011-10-09T09:46:00.000-07:00

Well I attended my first FRG meeting since Rob has been on the division honor guard [umm over a year and a half now lol] only to be told that now they don't know for sure if any of the battalion is deploying. We are waiting to hear from Iraq and the president- for Iraq to decide whether or not they would like more troops or if they want to just simply take it down to around 3000. Basically if the answer is YES they want more, Rob will be deploying for a year. It went from us knowing that he was leaving by the end of November [even the connexes were packed up to ship their things off] to not knowing if they are going at all. I have to admit I'm a little frustrating. I know with the Army things change constantly but I finally had it in my head that i was going to be having our baby boy on my own- I had my birthing plans all in a row and now I don't have a clue and being the control freak I am. THIS DRIVES ME BONKERS lol. I guess we will know what's going on when it happens.

As for lately, well things have been great. We just had our formal for Battalion and had the BEST time ever. After the terrible experience I had with his terrible unit at FCKY I have really been adamant about not having anything to do with FRG ran activities or anything to do with the honor-guard wives but I have to say it was probably the most fun night I've had since I've been here and I really adore our little family on the honor guard. It's a small little group which makes it amazing. All the wives are sweet and we all get along so well. The guys all are very much a like and they get along extremely well. It's definitely got that family vibe to it- what i've longed for since marrying my husband. It was a blast, below I'll post a few pics =]

I am 26 weeks today. ONLY 98 DAYS UNTIL MY DUE DATE! A little over 3 months- it's scary and exciting and so many things wrapped into one. I am so excited to finally meet our beautiful baby boy and even more excited now that there is hope Rob will get to meet him right away too! Caylee is so happy to be a big sister- she even carries an ultrasound picture around in her "wallet" of "HER" Corey Michael! Dec/Jan CANNOT COME SOON ENOUGH =]

and here are some pics =]

The guys doing there thing. As usual they got so much praise for their "perfect performance"! Rob's 3rd from the right =]

Beautiful Ball pic taken by A. Currin Photography.

The hubby being silly with his HG brother.

My love and I.

The beautiful Erica

Some of the HG wives <3 Erica, Me, Tiffany, and Sarah

And I just had to throw in a pic of my little camera ham. Isn't she perfect =]

More ultra sound pics =]

2011-09-27T08:07:00.000-07:00

So since my little man decided to be so stubborn at the last ultra sound and she could not get a shot of his face, we had to go back in today. It was my hubby's first time at an ultra sound [for either baby] so he had a good laugh seeing that our son is JUST LIKE HIM! Today's u/s consisted of us getting flipped off, Corey playing with his junk [his hand was literally on his weiner the WHOLE time] and throwing a major temper tantrum when he balled up and she tried to get him to show his face- he literally through his head back and kicked and punched- it was the funniest thing I have EVER seen. needless to say I did not get any good face pics because he's a stubborn little monster but I have some pretty funny pics to share. Ps. He definitely has my nose and Robert's lips- he's gonna be a lady killer lol.

His handsome profile =]

Well Hello There!

2011-09-25T12:35:00.000-07:00

It's been so long since I've blogged. I don't know what to say other than I'm sorry. I've been so torn whether or not I ever wanted to blog on here again but I've decided I am not going to give up something I love. Rob is leaving in just a few months [we now have a pretty set date but obviously I won't be putting that on here] and so it's made it real. I had my cry session and we talked about plans we have while he is gone- things we each want to get accomplished during that time apart. It's still hard that he is going to be gone when Corey is born but I think we're both accepting it more now- there is good coming out of this deployment.

Pregnancy: wow- I'm 24 weeks today- 6 MONTHS PREGNANT! Isn't that crazy. It feels like just yesterday, I, by chance after so long of trying, happen to pee on a stick and a very very very faint line showed up and now here we are--- 4 months away from our perfect beautiful addition to our family being here. It feels like a dream. Caylee is absolutely infatuated with her baby brother. Always wanting to feel him kick [which by the way he's SUPER STRONG AND SUPER ACTIVE] and give my tummy kisses. She's going to be the best big sister in the world <3 I love it.

We had family pics done yesterday and to say they turned out amazing is an understatement. Seriously by far the best pics we've ever had taken. I'd share but the pics I have, she forgot to put her copyright mark on and I adore her enough I don't want some creep stealing her pics. But seriously- STUNNING!

As far as everything else in life, things are going good. I've made some pretty good friend in the past few months. i'm hardly ever home and just trying to stay busy. We did end up finding a new home for the puppy we got in December. He was so damaged from the terrible animal shelter we got him from that he was becoming violent and it was just too much to deal with. He's doing very well and I'm so thankful we were able to find a dependable family for him. Well hopefully I will start blogging more here soon. Bare with me loves and thanks for not "unfollowing" lol.. Oh and here are some prego pics from this week just for you =]

Baby and Belly News - 18 weeks 2 days =]

2011-08-16T16:27:00.000-07:00

Well I had my REAL ultrasound today and it was exciting. It's DEFINITELY a baby boy =] and he's stubborn as hell and even at 18 weeks we can already tell he has most of his daddy's features- so it looks like Caylee will favor me and Corey will favor his daddy =] Here are the pics from today and a belly pic and news =] <3

18 week belly pic

How far along? I am 18 weeks and 2 days as of today.

How big is baby? baby is healthy, about 9 ounces already and right on time as far as development. He is stubborn and VERY VERY active. He is quite pissed off at me today after the ultra sound and the lady poking him to death. We even got to see him ball his little fist up to punch me lol

Gender? He's a little prince- proud to wave his little weiner around lol and already just like his daddy

Weight gain? I've done pretty good. I originally lost about 25 pounds. Got back down to about 142 and as of right now I am about 150.

Symptoms? none anymore. Some heart burn here and there and CRAZY dreams

Food cravings? lol hard to say. I have a different craving every day.

Sleep? i've been actually sleeping halfway decent

Movement? LOTS! This kid is like a ninja- and more than ready for the zombie apocalypse.

Stretch Marks? none and i am trying to not have any this go round either! lol

Belly Button? still there

What I am looking forward to? getting his room ready for him and holding my little man in my arms.

AND THE GENDER IS.....

2011-08-12T10:44:00.000-07:00

ITS A BOY!!! I wasn't supposed to find out until Tuesday but the OB took a quick peak today and little man was waving his penis around showing it to the world [JUST LIKE HIS DADDY ALREADY BAHAHA] So everyone- I'd like for you to meet our little prince- COREY MICHAEL =] I'll have more pics on Tuesday =] but the lady bet her career that ^ That is a penis lol. and I knew what it was as soon as I saw it! lol

Song Link up

2011-07-28T10:40:00.000-07:00

Head on over to Goodnight Moon and link up!

So I know it's been a while but here I am linking up again =]. I chose "No Place That Far" by Sara Evans. This was on my "cry list" last time Rob was deployed and the other day as I was driving home from seeing some family, this came on Pandora and of course I balled my eyes out because it had me thinking about the fact that he's leaving again in only 3 short months. No matter where he goes, how long he's there, there is no place too far for me to get to him. No distance could ever separate our family. I'm scared shitless to have this baby alone but I know that as far away as he'll be, he's still gonna be here. So here you go guys- the song that explains it all lol

I can't imagine, any greater fear
Than waking up, without you here,
And though the sun, would still shine on,
My whole world, would all be gone,
But not for long,

If I had to run, if I had to crawl
If I had to swim a hundred rivers, just to climb a thousand walls,
Always know that I would find a way, to get to where you are,
There's no place that far

It wouldn't matter why we're apart,
Lonely miles or two stubborn hearts
Nothing short of God above
Could turn me away from your love
I need you that much

If I had to run, if I had to crawl
If I had to swim a hundred rivers, just to climb a thousand walls,
Always know that I would find a way, to get to where you are,
There's no place that far

If I had to run, if I had to crawl
If I had to swim a hundred rivers, just to climb a thousand walls,
Always know that I would find a way, to get to where you are,
There's no place that far

Baby there's no place that far

Military Friday Fill in

2011-06-24T07:52:00.000-07:00

Are you a different person than you were five years ago? submitted by Sisterly Thoughts

Absolutely. I was in foster care and completely lost 5 years ago - if you need to know a little more I just posted a blog that was actually part of my life 5-6 years ago [My struggle]. Now compared to then I have an amazing husband who is so positive and loving. He supports me, he's my rock. He's been here for the past 4 years and was my savior and I know that had it not been for him, I'd probably be dead or in jail by now. I have a beautiful daughter and a baby on the way who I don't ever abuse, who I love so unimaginably. I own my own home, I don't depend on anyone to help out our family. Things are a lot different for me.

If you could go on Amazing Race, who would you take with you as your partner and why? submitted by Thoughts from a Poekitten

My husband for sure. He's amazing at anything physical and I would be the brains lol

Does Facebook or Twitter actually bring more stress or good in to your life? submitted by Just an Arizona Girl

FB probably does. My husband says all the time that FB has ruined the world with all its drama. People are crazy

June is National Soul Food Month- what’s your soul food? submitted by NH Girl Displaced

i love cajun food. It makes me feel like i'm a little closer to home

If you could live in any other era than the current, which one would it be & why? submitted bySugar in My Grits

I'm definitely from the 20s. Even the style and the way people acted. It's in my core. Just so happens my grandmother was born in the 20's too =]

NOW HEAD ON OVER TO wife of a sailor and link up =]

A little bit of positive

2011-06-23T14:15:00.000-07:00

So a few of my bloggy friends [Kaylee @ Moore Kaylee & Liz @ Optimistic Army Wife] are expecting beautiful babies and I thought I would join in on the Belly News stuff they've been doing : So here you go loves <3

How far along? I'm 10 weeks and 5 days today =]

How big is baby? according to my phone baby is 1.2 inches [or the size of a prune]

Gender? We aren't sure yet but I have a feeling it's a boy [hopefully I'll be right like I was with Caylee]

Weight gain? I'm still in my first trimester and it's been a rough one. I've actually lost almost 10 pounds instead of gained.

Symptoms? OH GOSH THE HEADACHES! I have headaches nearly everyday. Constant nausea[all day and all night] i'm kind of depressed too bah humbug

Food cravings? TOMATOES WITH SALT

Sleep? Gosh, I can't seem to get enough.

Movement? none yet unless you count gas lol

Stretch Marks? none and i am trying to not have any this go round either!

Belly Button? still nicely tucked in

What I am looking forward to? KNOWING FOR SURE ITS A BOY lol

I just look like I ate WAAAY too much lol but I'm definitely showing already [MUCH EARLIER THAN I DID WITH CAYLEE] and I'm STOKED about it! <3

Also here is a video from 3 days ago- the first time we heard Baby L's heartbeat.

PYHO: Please don't go

2011-06-22T08:09:00.000-07:00

Yes. So my last blog post was pretty depressing. I'm not sure this one is going to be much better. - I'll just blame it on the hormones pregnancy has brought along with it.

I feel alone- yep I said it. I feel absolutely positively alone, even when I'm surrounded by people. Every person who has come into my life has said they'd be there when the going got tough and usually, I've faced the going along. The only person who's actually been there through it all is Rob.

On that note: He's leaving again. He's actually going again. I've been trying to pep talk myself into accepting this, and I think in all honesty, I was okay with it before I got pregnant. We stopped trying for this reason exactly. He missed everything our daughter did the first year of her life. He left 2 days after she turned 5 months and didn't come home until she was 17 months. He had to watch her first step through webcam. He had to hear her cry for him and know that he couldn't even pick her up. at 5 months old, my child was not stupid. When Rob left- she didn't eat for days. She cried constantly [which was a RARITY]. Then at 1 he came home for R&R and when he left to go back she grabbed onto his uniform with super strength and it took all of mine and his strength to pull her off and we repeated the no eating and constant crying that happened when she was 5 months.

It's disgustingly sad when your child freaks out every time you or someone she loves walks out the door. I finally have her partially accepting that Rob is going to work and will be back home at the end of the day. But what do I do when this deployment hits and daddy leaves one day again and doesn't come home for a year. How do I explain that?

I'm not suggesting that I regret that I'm pregnant. We tried so long and hard for this--- but. but I can't imagine Rob not being here when I give birth- he's leaving only 1 1/2 months before I do. And even worse I can't imagine him missing all the firsts again. He's having a hard time with it. i'm having a hard time with it and in all honesty, i'm becoming bitter. Bitter at every civilian family. Bitter because they complain about a week away when my children have to go without their daddy for an entire year. And you know what, I've heard it before "Well you chose this life, you chose to have kids" - you know what- that's pure idiotic thinking. I FELL IN LOVE WITH MY HUSBAND. I chose to not fight my love for him and marry him and yes I knew what the army entailed but it doesn't make it any easier and if WE didn't do this then who in the hell would?

I'm not just bitter at the civilian families but I'm bitter with my friends. I feel like everyone says they are going to be there but when it comes down to it- no one is. I had so many people tell me last time they would be there for me and I had ONE person [aside from my aunt of course] and she ended up going away halfway through and i did the last half of deployment on my own. This time I just don't see it being any different. I'm already hitting my downhill - not wanting to accept he's leaving again- and none of my friends even care to notice that I'm hurting. It's frustrating to feel alone. To feel like the only person in the world who is constantly my rock is leaving again. I got through deployment fine last year but after he got hurt, I'm scared for another deployment. I don't want to have to explain to my daughter again that daddy had to leave. I just don't want to.

Excuse my massive complaining. I just needed to get that out.

Pregnancy update.

2011-06-04T17:35:00.000-07:00

So thursday, i woke up to severe cramping and some light bleeding. I called OB to see what I needed to do and the doc was quite worried. I had cramping only on one side, have had a lot of nausea and vomiting and the spotting. She was concerned I had an ectopic pregnancy [where the baby is not in the uterus but the fallopian tube and a miscarriage has to be forced] So she had me go in to the ER right away. After 6 hours, an ultrasound, lots of blood work, concerned nurses and doctors and fluids I was told that the baby was in the right place and had a beautiful healthy heartbeat of 154 BPM but there was a problem. I have a 3cm cyst on my left ovary which is causing all the pain. I also have some hemorrhaging from the placenta partially detaching from my uterus wall. The cyst is not a serious problem. She told me it will more than likely rupture around 12 weeks which will cause some pretty bad pain but it won't hurt the baby. She said it could also just go away on it's own. As for the detaching of the placenta, she said that is completely normal and i just have to take it easy. The baby is healthy which is my prime concern. This all happened the day after I had some girl I've never met in person tell me I was setting myself of for miscarriage because I bought a used boppy pillow and excersaucer so you can imagine the nightmare I was facing.

On the plus side. My birthday was yesterday and Thursday night, my aunt drove in a surprised me. She was at the ER when we got there. she sat with me a while then took Caylee home with her. When I got home I had gumbo waiting for me. Yesterday I just kind of spent my day relaxing, she made crawfish etoufee and got me a lemon meringue pie for a birthday cake [MY FAVE]. I ended up with a migraine but honestly, all I can think about is the fact my baby is okay and how I never want to go through another scare like that again. So there is everyone's update. <3

An indescribable fear.

2011-05-27T12:44:00.000-07:00

What do you do when every single day you fear the one thing you've finally been able to obtain will be ripped away from you? What do you tell your husband when you wake up screaming at night because the dreams haunt you?

Most of you know that Rob and I have tried for over a year to get pregnant and finally, in April, it happened. I am almost 7 weeks along and every single day, instead of enjoying my pregnancy like I did with Caylee, I fear the worst. I have had several friends have miscarriages in the past year and honestly it's one of my biggest fears at the moment, especially with as much trouble as we have had trying to conceive.

Why is this fear sinking itself so deep into my mind? Why am I not allowed to just wallow in the fact that we FINALLY got our dream to come true. I have a whole pregnancy where things can go wrong and if I'm only 7 weeks and already scared to death of the worst possible outcome, I can't imagine being able to enjoy any part of this pregnancy. Instead I will end up spending all of my spare time worrying that something will go wrong!

I have had nightmares every single night about me having a miscarriage. About me falling to the ground, screaming in devastation and rob trying to console me and me just pushing him away. I don't know how to make them stop. I don't know how to make the dreams go away.

Am I losing my mind? Have any of you experienced this before? How to you put the bad to the back of your mind?

and the baby journey begins

2011-05-19T09:55:00.000-07:00

We got back from our trip yesterday. We decided to leave a little earlier than planned due to all the flooding down near my family. I called the hospital today [after taking 5 at home pregnancy tests, all being positive] and was told I still had to go in to do a blood test. Now I'm just waiting on OB to get the results so I can schedule my orientation.

I must admit, that as bad as I've wanted this, I'm a little panicky. I just feel like there just isn't enough time or help to get everything we need. Rob's deploying at the end of the year for sure. We have $6000 in debt between school and my credit cards. I just feel like I won't really get to enjoy this pregnancy like I did with Caylee because I am worrying too much and i'm only in the beginning. I changed our budget so that we only get extra money for stuff every other month [because lord knows if you cut out EVERYTHING you'll explode] and the rest goes directly into savings. I can't believe we're going to have another baby. I feel like i'm dreaming <3

Surprise....

2011-05-08T12:24:00.001-07:00

So wow... as you all know I left Friday for our concert and trip to Louisiana. Well Thursday night I was up all night with what I thought was from something I ate.... well I took a pregnancy test. Just to be safe and there was a very faint line. It was an offbrand I bought because I didn't think it would be positive since e quit trying. Well rob ran to the store to buy another and sure enough two pink lines.... took another yesterday and another positive. I feel like I'm dreaming. We waited over a year give up and bam here it is... I'm so happy but sad at the same time because now rob more than likely be deployed a month before I'm due.... well anyway excuse any typos. I posted this from my cell... love and miss y'all

What's Your Song Linkup 5- For my Daddy

2011-05-04T23:05:00.000-07:00

It's What's your song time. Head on over to Goodnight Moon

May 11th makes 4 years since my daddy died. Since I will be in Louisiana next week and more than likely will not be able to post for WYS next week. I'll post this song. When I was a little girl, and my dad actually kept his promises to me we'd ride around and he'd' play older rock and one song he loved to play and always sang to me, what I always call "OUR" song was this song. I still cry every single time I hear it. It takes me back to a time where I didn't know the problems my daddy had. Where I was his little princess and the one girl in his life he loved without end. I try to focus on memories like that when my heart aches for him, for the choices he made in his life. I'll never forget the good with him, no matter how much bad there was. No matter how much hurt- I will always be my Daddy's little girl. To anyone who still has their dad, love and appreciate him- no matter his faults. The biggest regret I have is not letting my daddy know that all his wrongs meant nothing to me, that I still loved him more than words.

Daddy, I love you more than words and I miss you so much it hurts! <3

Overdose Prevention

2011-05-03T20:35:00.000-07:00

So those of you have been following my blog for a while know that May 11, 2007 my dad had a drug overdose. This past monday in the mail, I received a purple ribbon sticker in support of the prevention of drug overdose ran by the Drug Policy Alliance. This cause is something very near and dear to my heart, especially at this time of the year. Well I've decided to contact the DPA and see about doing a campaign in recognition of this cause and to hopefully raise some money to donate. I will give you all more information as soon as I hear back from them. I plan on doing as much as I can for this cause. Drugs and ODs have cause a lot of pain in my life and if by me doing this I save just a single life, that is fine by me. Maybe had my dad had someone to turn to then, he wouldn't have OD'd a week before my high school graduation. This is my tribute to his memory. This is my way to cope. Spread the word and please if you have anyone who has gone through this or experienced someone else going through this, send them my way. Contact me @ LifeasLucy11@gmail.com

Tonight, the best friend and I decided to go get tattoos. I chose to get a fleur de lis in purple [for drug overdose prevention] with my dad's nickname and PREVENT OVERDOSE underneath. It was very hard for me not to cry when I saw the finished product. I wanted to share the picture of that tattoo along with the matching tattoo of a sea turtle my best friend and I got.

WHOOOOO

2011-05-01T19:47:00.001-07:00

BREAKING NEWS: OSAMA BIN LADEN IS DEAD!!!! WHOOOO

Mff #who knows

2011-04-29T10:08:00.000-07:00

Head on over to Wife of a Sailor and link up for Military Friday Fillin

1. Have you and your spouse agreed to live in separate locations (a geographical bachelor tour) knowing that the short-term inconvenience would have long-term benefits for your family? How did it work for you? submitted byWhen Good People Get Together

Honestly, it had never crossed our minds - that was before we bought a house of course. Being the army, we know that he can get orders at any time and while we really want to stay here a while and financially at the time, it was a better investment to purchase a home, we both know that if we were to have to PCS and couldn't sell the house for some reason, I would have to stay behind until we did. We don't want to ruin our credit by foreclosing and we all know that sometimes it takes time to sell a home. We plan on having enough in savings to last at least a year but it's still important for us to have a back up plan and this would be a worst case scenario plan to save our family from screwing up our finances.

2. What is your favorite thing about being a MilSpouse? submitted by Sarah Ruth Today

I really don't have anything that I absolutely love except the fact that we are guaranteed a place to live and medical care. In the economy the way it is now, it's nice to have at least a minimum amount of financial security.

3. If you could still have your spouse/significant other and your family, but take the military life out of it...would you? submitted by Trust. Love. Believe. Bake.

Probably not. The military life provides for us. It was my husband's dream since he was just a toddler [yep he was one of those little baby boys running around in camo pretending to be a soldier] to be in the Army and I would NEVER ask him to give that up and honestly as much as I hate when he leaves I know we have stability and I know that it has made our relationship and appreciation for each other so much more than it would have been had we just been civilians. We've had our love tested and we've fought like crazy and then we spent a year apart and fell in love more than we ever were before. He's my best friend and the military has really made this more clear for me.

4. What have your homecoming experiences been like after a year long tour of separation? submitted by Army Soldier, Army Wife

It was amazing. I still get goosebumps thinking about it. It was one of the favorite days of my life. The anticipation, the excitement and then finally that first hug and kiss and seeing his daughter as a walking toddler- it was amazing.

5. If you have a child(ren) why did you choose their name(s)? If not, why would you name your child something? submitted by Tiara's and ACU's

Actually Rob chose her name [Caylee Brooke]. Caylee means most beautiful and we spelled it that way thinking it was unique [except chances would have it that the same time she was born, the story of Caylee Marie Anthony came out- so sad] and Brooke he chose just because it thought it was a good fit.

VLOGGING?! OH MY

2011-04-28T21:43:00.000-07:00

So excuse my "JUST OUT OF BED" look... I am getting ready to head to bed but wanted to post my first Vlog in a while. Also excuse the ums. I promise I'm not ALWAYS this boring lol. Enjoy loves!

WHATS YOUR JAM LINKUP

2011-04-28T08:54:00.000-07:00

In honor of our Carolina Rebellion concert next weekend, I'm gonna post a little new Stone Sour!! Corey Taylor is my celebrity crush [also the singer/screamer of Slipknot] CCCCHHHEECCCKKK IT OUT & don't forget to head over to Goodnight Moon to link up!!

AMAZING GIVEAWAY!!

2011-04-27T19:24:00.000-07:00

So I think this is my favorite giveaway yet!! Head on over to Air Force. Wife. Life and enter her AWESOME Giveaway!! OOOH I HOPE ONE OF US WINS LOL

Frustrated

2011-04-25T21:10:00.000-07:00

I feel like sometimes I give my all to people and all they ever do is take. I have a hard time making friends because I don't open up fully to many people and I don't allow people to get close- I usually push them away before they get the chance to hurt me. Here lately, I feel like I'm there for everyone, I support everyone but in turn I don't have anyone's support or anyone to actually have my back. I feel unappreciated by my daughter [yes crazy I know seeing that she's only two] I feel unappreciated by my friends, and I feel unappreciated by my husband...

When Rob and I were dating, he went out of his way to make sure I felt loved. He bought me flowers and he told me all the time that I was beautiful. He made me laugh and took me out on dates all the time. I know that things were inevitably going to change but I feel like they've changed so drastically. Don't get me wrong, he's probably still on the top of the list for BEST HUSBAND IN EXISTENCE but I just feel like nothing I do is ever enough. I have to literally pout to get compliments or flowers or a date. Speaking of date- I can't remember the last time we had one. I feel like I have to fight to keep our spark yet he doesn't really try.

I know I'm probably being ridiculous and emotional and moody and a typical woman but I want the Rob I had when he was in Iraq. He had a star named after me. He sent me flowers nearly every month. He wrote me love letters and told me every single day, even when he didn't see me, that I was the most beautiful woman in the world.

I feel like because he has me now, he feels like he doesn't have to try to keep me. I feel like he sees me as his and he doesn't have to still treat me how a woman needs to be treated. I crave that affection from him and I just feel like it's not existent unless it's him groping me or trying to have sex with me. I know he sees me as more than that but here lately this is how I've been feeling. He used to be so romantic and I feel kind of bored in our relationship. I miss the spontaneity. I miss the adventures. I'm 21 years old- I shouldn't feel like I'm 40. We've only been married 3 1/2 years but I feel like our spark is dying out. He's still the man of my dreams. I'm still madly in love with him but I feel like he doesn't really SEE me.

As far as friends. I feel like I give my all to certain people. I listen to all their life issues and I am always there to give advice and what not but when I feel like my world is crumbling, all I can get is an "I'm sorry it's happening to you" That's not what I want. I want them to yell and scream with me, to know the pain I feel. To hug and cry with me. To be angry at the world for hurting someone they love- just like I am with them. I feel like whenever I am faced with a hard time, I am pretty much in it alone. I have amazing friends but I feel like they don't truly value me.

With my family, well my foster parents don't even call me anymore. I haven't talked to them since I took the big trip in February aside from a fight I got into with my foster dad. I feel like they say they see me as their daughter but then they don't treat me like one. It shouldn't just be my responsibility to call. With my real mom, I just feel like she doesn't see all that I have done for her. I feel like I can never do good enough in her eyes. That I'm always making wrong decisions. I guess the same kind of goes for my aunt too.

I know I know. I'm being utterly ridiculous. I'm probably over-analyzing everything and being a brat but this is how I feel. I don't know how to handle it or what to do but I know that I don't like feeling like I am just not good enough. It's not a good feeling.

New FB page =]

2011-04-24T18:35:00.001-07:00

So now that I am at almost 100 followers, I thought it may be a good idea to expand from the blogging world. I decided to make a FB page as well! Hope you guys enjoy and thanks for all the love and support =] I will also have a button coming soon =]

The Miles That Separate Us

2011-04-22T18:50:00.000-07:00

Tonight, I am a bit emotional. Partly because one of my best friends is coming home from Germany for a visit and I can't be there. Partly because I can only be in Louisiana a week next month when I have so many people to see. Partly because my daughter aches and cries for her family and all the words I have to tell her is that we'll see them soon, knowing that the only family she can see anytime soon is my aunt and uncle - who live about 5 hours away.

Tonight, I realize how much we take for granted. How much people who are not associated with the military take for granted. I miss living in Louisiana- that 5 minute drive to our friends and families houses- that togetherness and never really feeling like you are alone. Now I have family in Louisiana, my mom in Northwestern Tennessee, foster parents in Middle Tennessee, family in Western Georgia, and Rob's family in Northern Indiana.

I have been lucky and actually got to see everyone this year [or will be able to say that within the next month] aside from Rob getting to see his family - which really isn't a loss for us. One of my best friends is in Germany and the other is here but from Alaska. Both have children, one with only a few month old daughter, and the other with a two year old. When Caylee asks me for her "Memaw", Granpa, "Nanny" [what we call our godmothers in Louisiana] and Parain[godfather in Louisiana] it really breaks my heart... All I ever have to say is "Princess, I promise we'll see them soon." and she always gets the saddest face...

Tonight- when I gave her this as an answer. She looked at me, tears in her eyes, and shook her head saying "NO NO MOMMY. THEY ARE FAR AWAY" I had to fight back the tears. We military families give up so much. I don't think many people truly realize this. My daughter has had to move away or go long periods of time without seeing almost EVERYONE in her life, minus me. Her daddy was gone from the time she was 5 months until she was 17 months. He missed her first laugh, her first tooth, her first time eating real food, her first word, her first "owie", her first steps- you name it, he was gone. He comes home and her grandma went away and right after daddy left, her godparents moved 9 hours away. All my 2 1/2 year old knows is that when people leave, they usually leave for a long time. ''

It's a heartbreaking experience to see the fear on your child's face every time you or someone she loves leaves the room. She even screams when my friend Tiffani leaves. She is so scared that someday, we just won't come back and all though she can't always express this in words, her actions and expressions show this clear as day.

Tell me, someone please tell me, why we military families would give ANYTHING to have our families close, anything to explain to our children that not every one will move away- while Civilian Families [as in not associated with the military] often times complain about spending time with their families. They complain they are alone.

It is just hard for me, and I suppose it makes me a little bitter. I don't think I am entitled to anything because I chose this life. I don't think I am better. I just wish people could see what we give up so willingly. The struggles we face with our families, with our children. Our families don't always understand why we can't make it home for the holidays when leave gets denied. Or why we missed Cousin "whoever" wedding, or the baby shower for Cousin Sue. They don't understand that our children, and even ourselves, we miss them like crazy. I wish everyone could see and appreciate how hard it is sometimes, how often I wish this wasn't the life we chose to live because it carries so many burdens.

My husband came home today with news there could be an upcoming deployment near the end of this year and the first thing I said to him was "Well, I guess we need to start getting ready." What do I mean by this? Well, my daughter will be 3 in August. Last go round was easy. Now she is older and she's more aware. How do I prepare her for her daddy to leave again? How to I yet again smile everyday for her when I fear my husband may not make it home? What do we get out of this sacrifice? What lessons do we learn? I'm not so sure anymore.

MFF #who knows

2011-04-22T09:02:00.000-07:00

I know I know. It's been FOOOORRREVVVEERRR since I did one of these... So here you go my loves. And if you don't take part, you should start. Head on over to Wife Of A Sailor and linky link up!

1. How many pets do you have? And what type? submitted by Life and Times of a Displaced Jersey Girl

We have two beautiful male dogs, both rescues. Boots, our 3 year old Australian Shepherd mix gets his name because he looks like he has on Combat Boots! He's the sweetest and most laid back dog you will EVER meet. EVERY PERSON who comes into contact with him absolutely adores him. Shadow, Our 6 month old MONSTER is all muscle Lab [and we're thinking GREAT DANE] mix. He is a chewer and a digger and such a brat but the sweetest little man. He ADORES Caylee and loves to antagonize Boots. They mean the world to us. Here is a pic from a few months ago of our 3 babies =]

2. What are your favorite projects to do while hubby is away? submitted by my-inspired-nest
Well I'm really not a "Project" doer. Usually though I try to rearrange the house and spruce things up for when he comes home. I usually stay busy with school, Caylee, and the doggies when he's gone.

3. What are the must-haves in your deployment care packages? submitted by Christine’s Little Blog
Rob wasn't too big on care-packages- yea weird I know. Usually when I sent my 5 packages a month I sent things that were just cheaper to get here [body wash, toothbrush, baby wipes, raviolis, ramen noodles, snacks, cigarettes, etc] and I always decorated the box and put pics of Caylee and myself with handwritten letters.

4. If you could star in any TV show, which would it be? submitted by Just a Girl

Real World. I feel like I am so much more "real" than any of those people and I would love to go on there to give them a taste of who I am.

5. What was the biggest hurdle that you faced during your/your significant other’s first deployment? submitted by The Pavlik PerspectiveThe absolute hardest thing I went through during deployment was rob being injured. It was my biggest nightmare coming true. He shouldn't have been okay after that kid threw the grenade at his face, but somehow he came out fine. He's worked through his PTSD and the headaches are starting to subside. We got so lucky. He got so lucky.

What's your Song Linkup 5- THE GIFT

2011-04-21T06:41:00.000-07:00

I know I've missed a few weeks but here you go lovely darlings! If you haven't already linked up, head on over to Goodnight Moon and get to it!

So 4 years ago today, I was a month away from my graduation. A month away from my daddy passing away. A month and a week from my 18th birthday. A month and a week before I ended up in a really awful foster home. And two months before I got a phone call that would change my life- from my wonderful Robert. It just so happens he got my number from an ex and called me out of the blue saying that for the past 8 months [since I left for the group home and we last saw each other] he couldn't get me out of his head. And while I sat in class on April 21st, dreading the end of the school day when I had to go back to my dreaded group home, I had my CD player tucked in my bag and more than likely had this playing. It's a song I played on repeat most of the day. It was everything I felt. Everything I needed to say, needed to get out, but just couldn't. I'm not choosing this song out of sadness for where I was 4 years ago, but instead I have choosing this song because I heard it the other day and it made me smile for all the ways my life has truly changed. Even when the bad comes along, I truly have it all. All I ever hoped and dreamed for and the girl who used to play this song on repeat, no longer exists. I forever owe all of my love, devotion and thanks to my wonderful husband for choosing to call me and forever change the course of my life. I will NEVER be the same because of him and I love him all the more for it. Enjoy this song <3 SN: I get to see them in concert May 7th and I know they will play this song =] And I will sing it at the top of my lungs and probably cry but they'll be tears of joy

Parents' Magazine

2011-04-19T10:34:00.000-07:00

So my dears, my daughter has been entered into Parents' Magazine's contest to try and win a chance to be on the cover of an issue! Please take the time to vote. You can vote once per day! HELP US OUT! This would be amazing for her!!! <3 thanks

Little Miss Princess: "Vote for your favorite kids in the Parents Cover Contest! One Reader's Choice Winner will be a finalist at the Professional Cover Shoot!

GOOD NEWS

2011-04-18T09:58:00.000-07:00

So not even 30 minutes after I posted the last blog about Rob's leave getting denied, I get a call from him letting me know that thanks to two of his other SGT's on the CG, the one who denied it has not APPROVED his leave so from May 5th to May 20th we will be having lots of time together between the concert [Carolina Rebellion] and our trip to Louisiana!!! I really wasn't expecting things to work out like this but they are and that makes me SUPPPPPPPER happy!!! EEEK

What can you do?

2011-04-18T07:18:00.000-07:00

As most of you know, I have a wedding & graduation to attend mid May in Louisiana. You also may know that last November, Rob put in a leave packet to go home and see his family for the first time since he'd gotten home from Iraq [which had been almost a year]. It got denied because supposedly the Honor Guard was "too busy" yet they ended up all of November and December. Since then, EVERY SINGLE PERSON has been able to take leave. We have a concert May 6th/7th and the following weekend is the graduation and wedding. Last week in put in a leave packet [like his Sgt told him] and not even an hour later, he was told that it was denied. Mind you that in November they only had 3 extra guys- so completely understandable. Now, they have enough people for FOUR TEAMS [there are 3 flag guys, and 2 rifle men, and the SGT who makes the calls- so do the math] and NOT ONE OF THEM is taking leave at that time yet YET AGAIN Rob's leave gets denied and it even went further. Rob's other SGT- we'll call him SB- thought it was pretty messed up that he's been on the CG longer than anyone on there right now and every other person has been allowed to take their leave except for him- that's a year and half with not so much as a weekend pass. Well yesterday, SB came over to our house to let us know that he really tried to get Rob's leave approved but the SGT [who is not higher ranking not even with Time in than SB] in turn kicked SB off the color guard. YEP- CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?! He wasn't defiant about it, he just suggested that maybe Rob really needed a break. He's been on the colorguard a year and home 5 months longer than that and he's the only person who hasn't gotten a break. He works EVERY SINGLE CEREMONY holding the heaviest flag and getting a break is too much to ask. So i'm sure you can see how pissed off I am about this stupid crap. Thankfully this SGT is leaving next month but sadly it'll be too late for leave. Let's just say, I more than likely won't be able to go down if he can't go. It's over 13 hours one way, not include the hour trips in between for the places and people I'd have to go see, then a 13 hour trip back. One thing if there is someone to split the drive and no two year old. Doing it with Caylee alone is just pretty much impossible. We barely made it the 9 hours to Tennessee.

So anyway, I know you guys are probably getting bored with my blog- I noticed I lost a follower or two. I understand. I just hope you all realize that I have a life outside of blogging and sometimes, I just don't know what to say. Chasing around a two year old and doing Math for school- well as you can imagine it really consumes my days. Not to mention I had a headache that kept me in bed for 4 whole days last week. I promise, I will get my blogger "swag" back but until then I hope you all will stand back and not give up on me lol. I should have a weightless update soon too- That has kind of plateaued as expected which is a bit frustrating. Anyway- I promise, more substance coming soon!

...Got nothing lol

2011-04-10T19:07:00.000-07:00

Oh man! I feel like the worst blogger in the world. I don't know what happened- I just lost all my "mojo". I guess here lately I've been feeling kind of blah. There are a few things that I need to update you on.

As of now, Rob will be staying on the Honor Guard- how long we don't know. But as long as he isn't deploying again soon, I don't care.

I lost a person I thought was a very good friend. She decided to completely delete me from her life without any warning- This is someone that my daughter became very attached too... and you know what her stupid idiotic reasonings were- first it was "I feel like you don't like me!" - well for one. even though she's bailed on our plans MULTIPLE times- show COUNTLESS times that she is two faced to ALL of her friends- and completely forgot we existed when her husband got home- I never once ever made her feel that way. I invited her over multiple times to dinner, I invited her to hang out with me- but she was always to busy or even better she just never answered.

For two- she tells me that she can't compare to Tiffani [the girl I've gotten really close with- mainly because she doesn't judge, always follows through with plans and her daughter and my daughter are close in age and pretty much best friends] (PS THIS SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING I WOULD HAVE HEARD WHEN I WAS LIKE IN 1ST GRADE). Where she got that she doesn't compare to Tiffani I don't understand. Seeing that Tiffani is my go to person simply because she is a person I can always count on- and this other girl has someone just like that- well it just seems unfair to me. Why should I have to not have other friends all because "someone" has such terrible insecurity issues - I just don't get it.

For three- and the most hurtful one yet- She then tells me the real reason is because she is pregnant and I wouldn't be happy for her. Well here is the thing- The only people I have ever gotten upset about being pregnant were people who ALREADY had kids and didn't take care of the ones they had. And although I have yet to post about it, after last month -which I will explain in a sec- Rob and I decided we are no longer trying anymore. Had she come to me like a friend, she would have known this- had she not forgot to call me back or text me back multiple times, she would have been one of the people who knew this early on. Am I hurt she is pregnant- ABSOLUTELY NOT! Am I hurt that she could see me as so petty and so little- YES. Yes I did go through a phase where I deleted people who got pregnant- but none of these people were close friends. Just simply acquaintances, some of which I had never met personally. I have had SEVERAL close friends get pregnant and not once did I hint or even slightly show that I was upset- because I AM NOT! So i guess it's safe to say I should have known, I was dumb for opening up to her and lesson learned.

Now about the baby thing- I know I've been needing to talk about it, but I just didn't know where to begin. For those who just started following- My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for over a year now. It's been a hard struggle but last month made it even more difficult. I am almost 100% positive I had a chemical pregnancy [no i didn't go to the doctor but the signs are undeniable] - Basically this means my body rejected the implantation or I implanted correctly but a very early miscarriage occurred. I had all the signs of pregnancy [including raised BBT] as well as implantation spotting and cramping- unlike anything I get around my period- followed by severe SEVERE bleeding. It was awful and it was painful and it broke my heart- but I'm thankful it happened early on before I got a chance to get a complete positive test. Since that, Rob and I have decided to quit trying for a while. I have a lot of things next month that I need to be able to enjoy, without worrying about whether or not "this" is the month. It's time I let it go for a while. And maybe it'll happen on its own time.

Well anyway loves, I am so sorry I have been so absent! I promise it won't be like this much longer! Last week, my little cousin spent the week with us then we spent 3 days/2 nights at Tybee Island. Just wanted to share a few pics =] Sorry that some are kinda blurry!

napping after the 1st day at the beach

the awesome castle my uncle built!!!

My first time putting my feet in the sand many months! Felt wonderful

at the hotel

She was scared!

Night Walk on the Beach

The princess

Me & my little cousin Sabrina

Military Wife Survey

2011-04-04T07:48:00.000-07:00

First off, I want to say sorry for my lack of blogging lately. My daughter got sick and it was a miserable week and now my little cousin is at my house for the week to spend Spring Break with us [yep I'm really that cool lol]. Hope you guys understand <3 =]

1. How long have you been a military wife? almost 4 years

2. What branch of service is your husband? Army

3. Active/Reserve? Active Duty

4. What is his job? He's a combat engineer originally but was selected to work for the Command SGT Major of the division as part of the Division Honor Guard

5. How many deployments have you gone through? we did one in 2009

6. Camo or Dress uniforms on your man? I looove him in his class A's and am honestly a little disgusted that enlisted guys now have to wear dress blues--- those things are hideous

7. What do you like about being a military wife? It's kind of like an adventure- you never know what is going to happen or what surprise is in store yet. It takes care of our family and gives the opportunity to live through experiences not many people will get.

8. Do you live on base? No. I won't ever live on base again after Fort Camp-Hell lol

9. What is your favorite base so far? Well I've only personally been to 3 and he's only been stationed at two and so far I don't LOVE any of them. They all have their negative and positive aspect. Fort Camphell was bigger and had ALOT to do but he was in the worst unit EVER there. Fort Stupid is really REALLY small- our idea of fun around here is walking around walmart. The good part is that it is so small so it was easy to learn our way around. We are only about 45 minutes from Savannah and about an hour away from the beach! and not even 2 from Florida, or from South Carolina.

10. What is the hardest part of the military life? Deployments hands down... and let me rephrase this- the aftermath of deployment when your spouse gets hurt. It's hard to realize that the man you married will never be the same again. I was blessed and Rob has fully recovered from his PTSD and TBI despite some mood swings and few nightmares. To know that had the grenade not sent him really down into the gunners hatch on impact, he would be dead right now. To live for an entire year knowing that your spouse may not make it back home is the hardest- and having him miss our daughter growing was even harder.

11. Do you go to the grocery store or Commissary? nope. I used to ONLY shop there until we moved to fort Stupid and not once, or twice BUT THREE TIMES I bought rotten chicken [totally didn't even realize it seeing the date was far off and the color on top looked fine, but once it was turned over it was green and black- YEA DISGUSTING]

12. Do you work or stay at home? I'm a stay at home mom/wife and I go to school.

13. Do you have a lot of military wife friends? Nope, just a few. I can't stand the idea of a woman who thinks she's entitled to something because her HUSBAND is in the military or who likes to use his rank or whatever to get what she wants. Not to mention most military wives I've met are gossipers, mean and just straight drama. I'd rather stay to myself with just one or two close friends.

14. Do you prefer Walmart or the BX/PX/NEX/MCX? I miss the Fort Camphell PX! IT WAS HUUUUGE! but I definitely love my walmart more

15. How did your husband propose? well jokingly he gave me a taco bell packet then later that night he got all of the guys in his unit lined up and proposed in front of all of them.

16. Did you marry him after he joined or before? After. I met him because of the army. He was stationed where my Uncle was and we met through a mutual friend.

17. How long have you been together? Officially since July 2007

18. Any kids? 1 beautiful perfect little princess

19. Any kids yet to come? We Hope so

20. Is your husband one of those "I am soldier hear me HOOAH" kind of guys? No. I mean he is proud to do his job, but he didn't join to be badass or to get praise- he joined because it was his dream his entire life and he wanted to make a difference. I wouldn't have married him if he was like that- it's kind of disgusting.

21. Have you ever done combatives with your husband? lol yes. He has taught me ALOT of stuff but always kicks my butt.

22. How many bases have you lived at? 2

23. If you could change one thing about the military? the fact that it really has changed. There are people who can't pass a pt test, who constantly get in trouble who fly up the ranks and people like my husband who busts his ass to be a damn good soldier take forever to get what they deserve. I also hate that it's not like a family anymore. We have seen so many people ruined over some bored military wife with nothing better to do spreading rumors.

24. Do you like military balls? eh- it's fun to get dressed up but that's about it. We don't really do the whole military outside of work. It's just a job, it doesn't define our life.

25. Where does your family live? His family is all in Indiana and mine are in Louisiana, Tennessee and Western Georgia

26. What do you do for a job? I'm super woman! No seriously. I keep the house running, support my husband, go to school, raise a child. But it's my life and I love it

27. Have you ever gotten in a fight with an NCO's wife? Just one, because she keyed my car after spreading rumors about me... and I had never even done anything to her. It wasn't really a fight as a "How could you be so hateful you evil bitch". I avoid drama like the plague but that one time, was just too much for me.

28. Name one thing you do when your husband is gone. STAY BUSY!

29. Do you think other wives do that too? definitely- well the ones capable of handling this life. Some just aren't cut out for it =[ 

MFF

2011-04-01T10:45:00.000-07:00

If you haven't yet participated in Military Friday Fill in, Head on over to Wife of a Sailor and link up!

1. What romance movie scene reminds you of your s/o or spouse and the LOVE you share? submitted by Simply Sunshine and Daisy’s
Almost any scene from Ps. I Love You- from the fighting and making up to to the absolute dedication they have to making each other happy- how selfless and sacrificing Gerard butler's character was.

2. If you were allowed to deploy with your husband to a war zone would you and why? submitted by I & J
Yes I would, but I wouldn't do it because he is there, but because I want to make a difference. He and I decided a few weeks ago that once I am done with school I will be joining the army. I really hope to maybe deploy and get to the PTSD soldiers before their whole lives are ruined.

3. Have you ever done anything (intentionally, or unintentionally) to embarrass your spouse/significant other in front of his military cohorts? submitted by Marrying the Navy

Probably unintentionally. I have VERY VERY outspoken and sometimes my lack of filter [and lack of thinking] has me saying things that are probably inappropriate. I would NEVER personally embarrass him though.

4. What is your most irrational fear? submitted by Eights on the Move
I don't really think it's irrational but my biggest fear is Rob being killed in Iraq. He is my absolute best friend and to think I'd ever have to go on living without him is heartbreaking to me. I don't know who I am without him. I don't know if I'd ever want to know. He makes my life worth living.

5. If you could only live in one kind of climate for the rest of your life, what would it be and why? submitted by Many Waters
I loooove spring in Kentucky. If I could live in that kind of weather year round, I'd be in absolute heaven. I hate the cold and I hate when it's too hot but Kentucky springs are PERFECT!

Rain Rain Go Away- and Please Take Algebra With You

2011-03-31T16:53:00.000-07:00

Oh man, we went from wild fires [yep I said it- WILD FIRES IN GEORGIA] that burned over 7000 acres to 3 days of SEVERE thunderstorms! Let me tell you, I looooove the sunshine! In winter, I am miserable and grumpy because it's always cloudy and dreary. Same goes for weeks where it rains for 3+ days straight. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE a good thunderstorm every once and a while- it really makes me sleep like a baby. However, have a sick 2 year old [for the second time in a month], a husband who happens to be doing a lot of ceremonies for the HG right now - yea not really how I like my things to go.

So what does that leave me to do, ALGEBRA! Might I add that it's seriously kick my ARSE! No really, I mean it. I am that person who sees math and instantly falls into a trance- it's like Japanese for me. Give me anything dealing with Psychology and why people do what they do, give me any type of book to read- but please keep your numbers FAR FAR FAR away from me. As of now I have a B+ but we're only in the 3rd week. I really am trying so very hard to not get anything less than a B but man this class is ridiculous...

I also have to say that it doesn't help that our professor is a snob- YES ONE OF THOSE!! She has a doctorate- and I say Congrats to her on that- I have heard about how absolutely hard that can be. However, I don't really think that gives her the right to be rude. Our first day in class a classmate the mistake of calling her Mrs. Parks and this was her exact statement to the class "I will be called nothing but DR- you all clearly have not earned such a degree so you could never understand. If you fail to call me DR, I will see about having you dropped from class!"

Can we say B*TCH?! I was like seriously?! Ugh I can tell it's gonna be another loooong 6 weeks. YIKES!

What's Your Song Linkup 4

2011-03-31T08:03:00.000-07:00

So it's that time again! AKA MY FAVORITE PART OF THE WEEK! If you haven't already linked up, head on over to Goodnight Moon and get started!!!

So my song for this week is by one of the band's I've been a fan of for forever. Since I was about 10 I have been madly obsessed with Hanson, and actually still am. My lovely husband bought me their newest CD last year for my birthday and I cried like a baby lol. This song is a bit older but my all-time favorite song. I listen to it every single day and living in Georgia, I tell myself they wrote it for me [LOVE YOU TAYLOR lol] So here it is. Hope you guys enjoy =]

I need your help!

2011-03-28T11:36:00.000-07:00

So I am trying to win a free photoshoot on Facebook. I'm planning on using this shoot hopefully for Caylee's 3rd birthday pics! If you could please follow this link and LIKE the page Dragonfly Love Photography and then like the picture [it's the first one, Rob is in ACU's and I'm hugging him]. PLEASE ONLY LIKE because comments DO NOT COUNT! Let me know if you vote and I may just have to do a little giveaway sometime next week. Contest ends on Friday.

Here is the link:
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=199449513411642&set=a.199449503411643.42877.142139245809336&theater

Sometimes I wonder

2011-03-27T17:03:00.000-07:00

sometimes I wonder if I've made the right choices in my life. I look at where I am now, a mother & wife going to school online, and I wonder if I made the right decisions in the past 5 years. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore my daughter and husband. They mean the world to me. Sometimes though, I feel like every plan I ever had for my life went out the window when I decided to get married and then we got pregnant so soon after.

I look at my friends back in Louisiana and it kind of makes me sad. They got the college experience. They got to have fun and have no responsibilities a hell of a lot longer than I did. I went from a group home to foster home to being a married woman. I never got to live my life or experience college life or life as a carefree adult [yes i know there is no such thing but it would have been less responsibility than I have now]. I don't want to go back in time, I'm happy with where I am in my life but I just wish I could make things a little more about me. It's always me doing and giving to Rob and Caylee and everyone else around me, but I never have time for me. To just live without having to give up everything. I feel like Rob has had it so easy. He didn't have to give up anything but playing the field and drinking constantly. I gave up everything- going to a good school, my body, my freedom, my goals. I sometimes feel like he doesn't realize all the sacrifices I have made for him, for this military life. I feel like he got to live his life and all of his dreams and all of mine went on the back burner or went out completely. He's says he sees this but I don't think he truly does and you know since I decided I wanted to do the army thing, it's been on my mind a lot. I would be in the military right now if it hadn't been for me getting pregnant. Now my days are filled with chasing a two year old, cleaning the house, paying bills, running errands, cooking dinner. I don't have anything that defines me. I don't have time for hobbies- the only time I really get alone is when Caylee is in bed and Rob is asleep, which usually isn't complete until at least 11. It's the same thing every single day and I guess I just wish there was a bit more "flare" in my life. I feel like I'm lost in a house wife life and I'm not sure that is who I want to be. I feel unappreciated and it just isn't an easy thing to deal with right now... eh i guess i'm only to blame because i made the choices i did. I'm here now and I just have to make the most of it.

Amazing Weekend

2011-03-26T17:34:00.000-07:00

So I don't know if I told you all this but I am blessed with the most AMAZING group of friends. I've mentioned them before but I just had to post about how lucky I am. We had the best time in the world yesterday and had a blast taking some pics and I just wanted to share these with you all for a cute little laugh- let's just say we're ready for Zombie Attacks! lol [and ps don't panic- the guns ARE NOT LOADED]

WHAT's Your Song Linkup 3- KISS ME OR NOT

2011-03-24T08:55:00.000-07:00

It's that time again head on over to Goodnight Moon to tell us what your song of the week is =]

So I listen to EVERY kind of music out there but lately this song has been stuck in my head! It's so catchy and sweet and I love the fact they are actually a married couple =] Listen and let me know if you sing it in your head all day too lol

PYHO: Is this what I think it is?

2011-03-23T09:25:00.000-07:00

Oh boy. Where do I begin- probably Rob's job at the moment.

So when we moved to FS last April, Rob spent maybe 2 weeks in his unit before he was selected to be on the Division Honor Guard [the flag & rifle guys at ceremonies and parades]. He was told a few months ago that he would be on the Honor Guard a minimum of two years [which meant 90% of no deployment because although the honor guard deploys, it's not often] Rob hit his one year mark home in December and while I am so thankful we left Fort Camp-hell [Campbell] and that he was not there to deploy again in January, I am still a little selfish and don't want him to leave again any time soon. This Honor Guard thing is a chance for us to get pregnant again and him not miss the firsts or the pregnancy. It's a chance for him to have more time with Caylee. It was a chance for us to put off the worrying of a deployment to Afghanistan.

Well today, things have kind of gotten shaken up. Rob was informed that he MAY POSSIBLY be pulled of the Division Honor Guard because the "Battalion's Mission Has Changed" meaning that something about his ORIGINAL Battalion is no longer the same. Maybe I'm jumping the gun but the only thing that comes to my mind is an Afghanistan deployment within the next year. Here is my reasoning:

His unit just got home in December [while he was already on the Honor Guard]

They are combining his unit and a unit from another Battalion

They were told they would have 2 years minimum before these units would be deployed again. I may be assuming, but combining the two units and making them into something else could be enough to void that 2 years and deploy them within a year.

So here I am kind of freaking out- more because I just don't know what the hell is going on. If I need to start preparing myself for him to go to Afghanistan of if nothing will change. Iraq didn't scare me- even when he got hurt, I was able to withstand the idea of him being there. Afghanistan, however, is a completely different idea for me. Afghanistan is scary terrain with ill equipped vehicles. These people know their land- our soldiers don't. I'm sorry- i'm not trying to freak anyone out- but I'm sure you get what I mean.

I'm hoping that they are just saying the "Mission has changed" simply because they are trying to get Rob back seeing that the only person who has the say of whether he gets let go is the Command SGT Major of the Division. This whole Mission has changed thing would be a good reason to send him back. So I'm really trying to keep the faith that's all it is. I had it so set in my mind he would be home at least another two years that I completely shut out the mental preparation for a deployment [YES I KNOW COMPLETELY STUPID WHEN DEALING WITH THE ARMY]. I know that deployment is part of this and I know we can get through it with no problem. I'm not worried about that- I just guess I'm not ready to let him go yet- but ready or not- if they send him, I don't have a choice but to stand back- keep the homefront running and stay strong for him. Sometimes I really hate the not knowing of the military. The way they drag it out can make a woman have a serious heart attack. I'll keep you all posted on what we find out!!!

Yea. I Got Nothing

2011-03-21T21:41:00.000-07:00

Oh darlings. Please excuse my absolute lack of blogging lately. I started my Algebra class for school this past week and it's already killing me. I hated math in high school but it's a whole different world in college- and online on top of that. I've never had to self teach myself math before- I never thought it would be this difficult to learn something on my own- but it is. Truly, I'm shaking in my boots. I have a 3.2 GPA [lower than I even wanted to begin with] and I'm just freaking out about these two algebra classes I have over the next 18 weeks! Keep me in your thoughts and pray I don't fail! EEEK

In other news, I am kinda famous. I was not on lifetime once but TWICE =] yep! I said it. We had an Army Wives Luncheon here at Fort Stupid and low and behold I was on during Army Wives & Coming Home! It was really weird to see myself and have everyone [even some of my bloggy loves] texting, calling and FB messaging me that they saw - chances are you did too. I was the only girl wearing a really pretty purple shirt with lots of ruffles. Here is a pic my fellow blog Love Just a Geek Named Jessl] took of her DVR when she saw me haha! Yep that's me cheesing it up while Brian McNamara [General Holden] was talking to me and my friends! It was a crazy fun experience and Brian is the most sweet and down to earth [and might I add HOOOOOTTT] man I've ever met aside from my husband of course lol. So yep- I'm officially a "star"! =]

So it's been kind of weird lately. I've been kind of in a weird mood. I'm not like depressed or anything- but it's like I have a lot of things on my mind. It started with stupid crap with this girl I met through Blogger who knew my best friend- well to put it lightly, not only was her husband a complete JERK [he refused to meet my husband and treated him like crap because he was jealous my other friends' husband and their friend R really liked Rob. He didn't like someone coming in and "taking his friends"] with something smart to always say- then them fighting EVERY SINGLE TIME we all hung out [them, rob and me, Tiff & her hubby, and R] They would come for like an hour or two [we have cookouts and stuff on the weekends] and would already be in an argument then would sit there and fight in front of all of use- leave a few hours later than get upset because we still had fun even after they left. We were told by this girl, "It's not our fault you let our arguing make you all feel uncomfortable!" Yea really? because who actually doesn't feel completely freaking awkward when people are sitting their arguing EVERY SINGLE TIME they are around other people! Like leave that shit at home if that's what you want to do. Every one fights with their spouse- I think it comes with marriage lol, but I know most of us definitely would not go to a friend's house and put them in that sort of situation. It's weird and creepy and yes- IM NOT INTERESTED! So anyway, our feelings toward them about arguing and just really not being "friends" to any of us anyway started a little brawl and well let's just say those two aren't welcome anywhere near the rest of us! But hey- at least I found out early on that they were demented bahaha.

Other than that, nothing has been too thrilling. Caylee spent the week with her God parents last week and was actually sick [she got sick the day my aunt got there to pick her up]. Now I kind of have the gunk that her and Aneilla [ Tiffany's daughter] had.

I'm also not to thrilled with the fact that between me being sick and the girls getting sick and now me being sick AGAIN, I haven't been able to go to the gym and therefore have gained almost half of the 13 pounds I lost in two weeks back. I'm kind of discouraged and it was kind of a kick to my motivation. I worked my butt off- saw a huge difference and then it was like BAM have you're fat back! ugh. I'm just ready to get in shape again and may is coming up real quick. I'm running out of time to look hot for the concert and wedding! I guess I need to just push myself and make sure I keep at it- no matter what.

Well anyway- Sorry this is so scattered. I promise I'll blog again soon- I'm kind of even thinking about video blogging again. We shall see. And a shout out to my newest followers. If you don't mind, let me know a little about yourself =] Glad to have you!

What's Your Song Linkup 2

2011-03-16T22:21:00.000-07:00

It's that time again! What's Your Song WEEKLY LINKUP! Head on over to Goodnight Moon to get your link [and groove] on! Here's mine =]

So last weekend, the friends, Rob, and I all got together to have some drinks and hang out. Well the guys could not stop talking [well singing] the song making fun of Charlie Sheen and all week, Tiffani and I have randomly been saying - I'm Biwinning- Epic Winning... and today we were talking about [since it's both our ringtones lol] and this guy randomly starts singing the words to the song when he hears us talking about it- IT WAS EPIC.... WINNING! So here is the song- it's EPIC! AND COMPLETELY ADDICTING

JOURNEY TO BLONDE

2011-03-16T20:15:00.000-07:00

So here are the pictures [in order] from being a Red- Head to a Blonde! It took a total of 10 hours, 4 bleachings, much hair dye and lots of toner [not to mention like 6 heave conditioning treatments]!!

A blonde?! more like a skittle

2011-03-15T15:46:00.000-07:00

So thank God this is not the finished product from my rendezvous from being a red-head to blonde. Just a funny pic of me and my best friend [who happens to be a hair dresser] Just wanted to share this silly picture of my looking like a skittle on crack!

MilitaryWives -- LEAVE EACH OTHER ALONE!

2011-03-15T06:48:00.000-07:00

ALL I CAN SAY IS A FREAKING MEN! This guy is freaking awesome!

Day 7: Meet my best friend thanks to the Army

2011-03-15T06:19:00.000-07:00

Day 7 - post a picture of a wonderful friend that you’ve made because of your s/o being in the military

Moving to Fort Stewart has really turned out to be amazing. 4 months ago, I met a girl who completely changed my opinion of women. She has become one of my best friends. She has been my motivation in all that I do. She is the complete opposite of me but yet we are so much alike. I have grown to love her, as well as her family, as if they were my own family. She is someone I know I can talk to about anything and never feel like I'm being judged or never have to worry that she won't be real with me. I have probably shared the most with her out of any girl I've ever known and know that all of my "secrets" are safe with her. She always has my back and is never afraid to tell me if i'm being dramatic or too harsh. She is the type of person who will drop everything on the drop of a dime to be there. She's so much like my other best friend Kristie in that aspect. She has taught me how to be the best friend I can possibly be and if it wouldn't be for the Army, she'd still be in Alaska and I'd be lonely and losing my mind without her. She gives her all and never expects anything in return. She's truly a wonderful wonderful woman ♥

Day 6

2011-03-14T11:40:00.000-07:00

Day 6 - post a picture of the base your man is at and tell 5 cool things about that base

Inside the main gate.

Warriors Walk.

1. We are pretty close to Savannah & Tybee Island

2. There are over 30 ponds near base to go fishing- it's an outdoorsmens' paradise here

3. It was summer weather by the end of February.

4. If you like ass and tits you'll see plenty here since most of the women like to wear close to nothing [yea that means the big girls too lol]

5. Most houses here look the same- they all tend to have the same type of design. it's kind of weird but neat

Day 5 & Update

2011-03-12T10:16:00.000-08:00

Day 5 - post a pic of the branch he is in and list your favorite thing about him being in the military

So I thought this picture was neat because it's of course his MOS [although he's a combat engineer to be exact] and branch. He loves the army and I don't think he would prefer to be in anything else. I love the army, even when it drives me nuts. It takes care of our family. With all of the health problems I've had, i never had to worry about going in debt over medical bills or where in the world we were going to live- that we'd ever have to be homeless. I never have to worry about my daughter going without, and even though the pay isn't AMAZING it is enough to provide for us.

Update: So for the past 3 days I've been spotting. I feel like this is really just not nice. I don't know anymore if I am or if I'm not pregnant. On monday, if still AF hasn't come, then I am definitely going get blood work done! I just can't live like this. Keep your fingers crossed this is all for a good reason =]

MFF & Life of an Army Wife Day 4.

2011-03-11T08:17:00.000-08:00

I have lost track of what number I'm on but if you haven't already linked up head on over to Wife Of A Sailor & get to participating =]

1. During military separations (whether short or long) how do you keep yourself positive and motivated? submitted by Married/Single Parent

I just remember that he's gonna make it back home. That I have to be strong for Caylee. Last deployment, I didn't really have any friends aside from my best friend Kristie [who at the time was not apart of the military family so she really didn't fully understand] who I could vent to or cry to. Kristie was the one who dropped everything on the drop of a dime the day I found out Rob was hurt. I was try not to count the days, it just makes it harder.

2. What is your favorite concert you have ever been to? submitted by Young but Not (Completely) Dumb

Definitely Crossfade/Seether in 2005 but I'm sure that in may that will change since I am going to the Carolina Rebellion & almost all of my faves will be there [Avenged Sevenfold, Seether, Bullet for my Valentine, STONE SOUR [AHHHHHHH =]], Hinder, Godsmack, etc]! I am so stoked. I'll be there with my hubby, my best friend and her hubby for the WHOLE WEEKEND!!!

3. What do you miss most about your “hometown”? submitted by A Florida Girl and Her Soldier

I'm from a small town in Southern Louisiana. My highschool, the kids game from THREE different towns and it still only had 500 people. I miss Ray's Boudin, & the Fast Food snow ball stand. I miss knowing everyone and I miss the country, where our nearest neighbors were a mile down the road. I miss it being normal to go in Walmart with no shoes [yea we're a bit cajun bahaha] I miss a lot about it but I don't miss how the drugs took over nearly everyone there =[

4. If you could run in any race, which charity would you choose to support? submitted by Wookie & Co.

For Autism hands down... My little cousin- who is like my little brother- was diagnosed very early on with Autism. My aunt has worked so hard to get him where he is today and at almost 16 he is EXTREMELY HIGH FUNCTIONING. He has been almost like a miracle in front of my eyes and I just feel like people don't see autistic children the way they should be seen. They are so amazing and yet there is still not enough research or sources to help these children be their best.

5. You find out Willy Wonka is your father, what 3 course meal do you INSIST he create in that stick of gum? submitted by A{muse}ing Mommy on a Pink Park Bench

Boiled Crawfish, Crawfish Fettucine & Pralines =] lol

And now on to the photo challenge

Day 4 - Post a picture of the family he had to leave behind to protect his country

This is actually the day he left for Iraq. Caylee was 5 months and 2 days old. Rob will tell you that it only hurt to leave us, that he doesn't really see himself as having any other family. We were the only ones who seemed to care that he was gone. He only got letters from me & his grandmother and one from his aunt and cousin- out of all of his "family" we are the only ones who sent him letters and carepackages to keep him going. It was really hard on him to have to leave us and it was even harder that his family didn't seem to care that he could have died. I guess I am a bit bitter that while other soldiers were getting packages from parents and siblings and aunts and uncles and cousins, I was having to supply EVERYTHING and try to send him MULTIPLE letters and things a month so he didn't feel unloved. I felt like while we are his main family now, it wouldn't have hurt for him to feel appreciated by others. So this is it- this is what he left behind. This is what he saw when he nearly died and this is who he will say is the only reason he lived for <3

Life as an Army Wife- Day 3

2011-03-10T13:18:00.000-08:00

Day 3 - Post a a random pic of how u met. Did you know then that you’d be where you are with him today?

Technically I met Rob twice. The first time we met was in 2006 at Fort Campbell, Ky- we barely spoke two words to each other. Actually, I didn't' even remember him when he called me to ask me out on a date.

The second time we met, I was in my last foster home in July 2007. I knew who he was but I really didn't remember him very well. I tried to forget everyone I knew when I first met him. On our first date he was literally MESMERIZED by everything I did. I always joke with him and tell him he was a borderline stalker. He told me he loved me at the end of our first date and I thought he was nuts. Well here we are, nearly 4 years later and I am so thankful for that awful time in my life where I met the man who would save me, change everything about my life. and I'm thankful he was a tad bit stalkerish =]

What's your song?

2011-03-10T07:07:00.000-08:00

Whooo my first official link-up for "What's your song?" If you haven't picked your song and got linked up yet, head on over to Goodnight Moon & get ya groove on!

So my song this week, being that I'm going crazy waiting on those pink lines on a pregnancy test is of course "Two Pink Lines" by Eric Church. Now of course this song is about them NOT wanting to have two pink lines but for me, its a song about how those two pink lines suck you in while you wait for the results lol. It's a catchy and fun toon! AND THOSE TWO PINK LINES ARE ALL I WANT LOL

Life as an Army Wife- Day 2

2011-03-09T11:37:00.000-08:00

Day 2: A picture of you and your spouse being silly together.

This was new years eve of this year! I have so many pictures of the two of us being silly- anyone who knows us, knows that's just ALWAYS how we are. I think it's what keeps our marriage fun and exciting. What is a marriage if your spouse can't make you laugh or let loose with you? I married my best friend.

Pour Your Heart Out- Going a Little Crazy

2011-03-09T06:22:00.000-08:00

~~Today~~ This week I feel c.r.a.z.y. No seriously. I was supposed to start my period today/tomorrow-ish. I've been cramping for FOUR days- FOUR WHOLE DAYS! My boobs hurt, my back hurts, I'm peeing ALOT, I'm discharging like crazy [TMI sorry] i feel flushed all the time & most of all I just feel fucking insane [excuse my language]. I've taken ~~two~~ too many preg. tests to keep count! ALL WITH A BFN!!!

I feel like it's some cruel joke. I feel like I could puke at the anxiousness of this wait. Of needing to know NOW if I have finally gotten my chance to have another baby- FINALLY! If I got pregnant this time, I would only be about 3 weeks now so its waaaaay too early with an at home test. I thought about calling the hospital to get blood work but then if my head and body are just playing tricks on me then I don't want to waste my [or their] time.

I feel literally like I'm losing it. That my mind wants this baby so bad that it's making my damn body play jokes on me. It's happened before [just not with this many signs] where I was TEN WHOLE DAYS late because my body literally was mind-fucked. I'm trying so hard not to think about it but it's ALL I think about. When I eat, when i'm playing with caylee, or snuggling with rob, or talking with my friends- it's eating my brain for the past week and I feel like I need a damn psych ward. I feel like I'm the only person who goes this psycho over a BFP [although I'm sure that's not really the case]. I don't know what to think- if I'm really FINALLY pregnant or if I'm just crazy. My gosh I hope I have the strength to get through til at least monday and I am praying for the first time in MONTHS - yes I said it PRAYING- that I finally get my positive. Oh god, I don't know how I am going to handle this if I'm getting all these symptoms and it's all in my head. I just don't know. My God- I just don't know.

30 Day Photo Challege- Military Love Style Day 1.

2011-03-08T06:26:00.000-08:00

So if you haven't heard of this challenge yet head on over to Everyday That You're Away and link up. I just linked up as day 1 since they are already on day 5. You can find the list on the link posted above!

Day 1: A photo of your SO and 15 facts:

Day 1: A Photo of your SO and 15 facts.

1. He's from Indiana, which if you ask, he will say he HATES.

2. He joined the army in July 06 and plans on making a life out of it.

3. He's been to Iraq once, in which he had a 12 year old throw a grenade at his face, land 2 feet away and from the explosion he was thrown back and hit his head on the metal of the gunner's hatch. He will tell you he can't remember anything except thinking he'd never see me and Caylee again, that this was it & then waking up to Doc Roberts on top of him and his body armor off... He will to this day say it's the scariest thing he's ever been through.

4.He's got OCD.

5.He cleans when he's upset.

6.HE LOOOOOOVES the outdoors

7.He's a hopeless Romantic.

8.He has a twin brother [and no they don't look very much alike & THEY ACT COMPLETELY DIFFERENT] whom he hasn't seen since before he went to Iraq.

9. His father was killed in a plane accident before he even turned two [or so we were told but I'm still not sure if this is really the true story].

10.If he ever gets out of the military he wants to be a cop

11. HE LOVES HIS JOB AS A COMBAT ENGINEER but really is honored to have been chosen to be on the division Honor Guard

12.The first baby he'd EVER held was Caylee

13.On our first date I told him he wasn't my type and this wasn't going to work out, and he told me he loved me that night on the phone because he said I Was the first girl to ever turn him down like that, proposed to me a month later and we were married 3 months later- it was quick and crazy but the BEST decision I ever made in my life

14. most of his family is still convinced he married me because he got me pregnant, the truth- he married me because I was the one who stole his heart- I just so happened to get pregnant around November 21, not even a month after we were married but we'll let them believe whatever they want =]

15. He has two distinct scars on his face that I find sexy - one under his chin and the other on his right eyelid.

[and excuse the extra 5 facts- I got a little carried away lol]

Military Monday Bloghop

2011-03-07T17:22:00.000-08:00

Wow so it's already monday again... If you haven't already gotten linked up, head on over to Marine Parents & get to it! Hope you all are having a fabulous monday. If you are a new follower just let me know here. i guess pretty soon I'll have to post another about me =]

I already had another post for today so if you get the chance, check it out and let me know what you think =]

The Road Not Taken

2011-03-07T13:35:00.000-08:00

Today has been a day that I probably will never forget. Today made me think of the poem by Robert Frost, "The Road Not Taken" in which he talks about two paths, one very much traveled and another that was unused by many out of fear of the unknown & how choosing to take the road less traveled completely altered his life.

Today I made a decision about my life that will change EVERYTHING I ever imagined for myself. I have decided that as soon as I am done with my degrees [at least bachelor's] I am going to join the army. I feel like this is my calling in life and my goal [as a psychology major] is to work with soldier's who suffer from PTSD! I am in the process of getting back into physical shape [as a matter of fact today I was able to reach all the goals to pass a woman's PT test who is my age in the army] and I just feel like maybe the Civilian route isn't the one for me. It will suck if I have to deploy and leave Caylee for a year but I'm sure she will understand when she is older. Rob supports my decision 110%. I already know who Caylee will live with if Rob and I deploy at the same time. My next step is to talk to a recruiter to ensure I get all the necessary requirements to become an officer. and I have the next 3 1/2 years to prepare myself physically and mentally- not to mention time to get my daughter ready. I am so ecstatic over this decision and I hope that everything goes smoothly =]

Sometimes.

2011-03-05T12:43:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I miss:

The 5 minute drive to my aunt's house at fort campbell.
The comfort of knowing she was always just a short drive away.
My life in Louisiana. The part of me that I was never ashamed to be.
Caylee being a baby, the way she cried and cooed and stared at me as if I was the only person in the world.
The sweet innocence of being a child. When the biggest problem in life was someone picking on me at school or my mom being upset with me.
Having people around who didn't just make me move my life around them, but who would have done the same for me- ANYTIME!
My job at the daycare. I felt whole when I worked there.
Driving in the car with my mom singing our favorite songs at the top of our lungs.
Cheerleading- I miss our camp at LSU and the good memories we made.
Crawfish boils and dancing on tables with Jessi!
Journaling... privately. I could feel better by getting it all out on paper and never fearing that anyone would find out my hearts' desires or that i'd ever be judged
Reading books and drinking hot chocolate on amanda's bed.
Climbing in my treehouse and just wasting the day away.
Riding my bike down the road and feeling the wind in my face.
When my biggest fear was not that my husband would die overseas but that I wouldn't get into a good enough college.

But life goes on and people move on and that's just how the cookie crumbles.

A Friend's Giveaway

2011-03-04T13:30:00.001-08:00

So one of my wonderful, amazing Best Friends here at FS is doing a very wonderful, thoughtful giveaway. She is not requiring a donation to enter but she would really appreciate if everyone would put into a fund to help her do something very special for her little sister, get her a Nook =] You can enter the giveaway for $20 in books from either the B&N nook store or Paper Backs from them or The Book Depository. She has the requirements on her site. So check out my lovely Megan =] A Cover Lover Giveaway!

MFF =]

2011-03-04T07:23:00.000-08:00

If you haven't yet joined in, head on over to Wife of a Sailor & get started =]

1. Do you or your {spouse} ever wish your {spouse} was in a different branch of the military? submitted by The Turner Family

No we definitely like the army. I have family in all and even through all the crap, both Rob and I love the army! I would love to join myself but I just can't do that to my baby girl

2.What duty station(s) are on your “No Way, Hell No, Not Going, Have Fun Unaccompanied” list and why? submitted by Every Branch

FORT CAMPBELL AGAIN - okay just kidding although I'd say HELL NO to his old unit there. umm there really isn't anywhere I wouldn't go for/with my husband if I was able to. Besides, isn't life what you make it?

3.If you could be one age forever, what age would you choose and why? submitted by Three Krakens

I don't think I would want that. Part of life is to age and change and that is okay with me. As long as I don't have to outlive my children or my husband!

4.If you were a breakfast cereal, which one would you be? submitted bythe C.W.

Fruit Loops cuz I'm a little crazy lol

5.What is your morning beverage of choice and why? submitted by NH Girl Displaced

Orange Juice or Chocolate milk. I'm not a big coffee drinker [unless my foster mom makes it] and Orange Juice is like a miracle drug- no seriously. One glass a day and you can kiss sickness goodbye! Chocolate milk is like every woman's dream [or at least mine] bahaha

When Will This Get A Little Easier

2011-03-02T06:47:00.000-08:00

So I have a confession. I'm really struggling to move on with this baby thing like I said I would. Is that wrong? For those of you who have been following for a while, you know that for the past year we've been trying to get pregnant with no such luck while I have to watch literally EVERY person around me get pregnant- it's been almost like a cruel joke.

One of my friends had a baby 3 months ago and is already expecting again. When she first told me, I just cried. She's been such a good friend to me and I felt so awful because I felt like I SHOULD be happy for her, as friend- it's my duty. Something inside of me, just doesn't let me get over the fact that here I am wanting a baby more than anything and working at trying to let things go with the pain of not conceiving and she just happens to obviously be mrs. fertile myrtle. I admitted to her that I was envious. I really am trying to be there, just like I was with her last pregnancy, being happy and supportive. I don't want her to doubt my friendship because I feel like my heart is breaking. It's not like she got pregnant to rub it in my face. But it still is hard.

My best friend [Tiffani-the one who has been so supportive about me working out] is also a few days late for her period and today she made me realize something that made me feel awful, just so cruel and selfish. I really don't even think she really wanted me to know about her being late, and that right there makes me feel awful. I have these friends who do and might have miracles happening to them and I can't even get over my own self-pitying to take joy in this for them, even when they've supported me constantly. My friend Megan posted a status last night about how she sees that everyone is getting pregnant and as happy as she is for them, she wishes that me and tiff would get our positives. Tiffani left a comment about how I deserve it more than anyone and she would sacrifice her getting pregnant for me if she could. When I saw this, I literally felt nothing but hate for myself. Have I really done this to myself- made my self so low that my closest friends should have to feel like they are less deserving than me.

I DEFINITELY DON'T FEEL THIS WAY! I know they know it's hard for me because I've talked to them about it concerning other people but I would never want EITHER of them to ever think that I think that I deserve a baby more than either of them, even the one who's son is only 3 months old. I don't think that just because I've been trying for a year means I deserve a baby before anyone else. As much as I deny it and hate to admit it, I guess everything happens on its own time. And yes, sometimes I cry and yes sometimes I think it's just unfair that certain people get to have babies when we are struggling so hard with this- BUT NEVER would I ever plan to make my friends feel this way and it just shows me how my attitude about the baby thing is taking over my life. If Tiff happens to be pregnant, I will be envious but I will be there, just like with Liz. I love these girls like sisters and I hate that I could possibly make them feel guilty over something so joyous.

I thought this would be easy to move past, or at least easier than this. But seeing that my friends have to walk on eggshells around me, I see its not. I'm not sure how to get past this but I know I have to. Not only for my friendships but my marriage. How many times can I tell Rob someone else is pregnant and expect him to be patient with me? He said yesterday it's like I blame him and rub it in his face that people around me are getting pregnant. I don't want to hurt anyone and I wish I had the power to keep the pain inside but I don't know how. I just don't know what to do anymore.

Picture of workout week 1 =]

2011-03-01T15:53:00.000-08:00

Today marks the end of week one and I'm at about 2 1/2-3 pounds of weight lost! Here are the Pictures I took before my first day at the gym [first] and the pictures I took this morning before going to the gym again at the end of week 1 [second]

start of week 1

End of Week 1 =]

Now the reason I wanted to share these pics is because I am so proud. I never thought I could do this. For two days now, I made it over a mile on the treadmill/ellyptical- lifted weights and even got my ab weights about 40 pounds higher than when I started. My endurance is up and I'm not weezing every time I work out! It feels amazing and to see a difference in just one week is like my motivation to keep it up! I know it's only going to get harder but I am so thankful I have Rob & Tiffani to push me. IF I CAN DO IT- ANYONE CAN =]

Military Blog Hop & Workout Milestone =]

2011-02-28T19:18:00.000-08:00

So first off. If you haven't participated before. Head on over to Eat pray love live. and get your blog listed under to meet some new military wifey/girfriend friends =]

So today was a very good day for me. I didn't get very much sleep last night and woke up this morning with no motivation whatsoever. Sunday was the first day I missed at the gym and only because there is no childcare. Today I was constantly battling to either go to the gym or not go and let my lack of energy win. Thanks to my best friend Tiffani, I pushed myself to go.

Little did I know, that lack of energy and a little motivation from Tiff, I would surpass all of my success in the past week and actually the past few years. I am completely out of shape- the first day I stepped on the elliptical and tread mill I thought I would pass out from lack of oxygen [okay maybe not I'm sure some of you get what I mean]. Today I not only ran part of it, but I ACTUALLY PASSED A MILE without stopping or taking a break. I made it to a mile and a quarter and ran part of that in less than 20 minutes. I was on a 9.5 or higher incline 95% of the time and when I wasn't on a high incline, I was running as my best friend sat there and kept telling me I could do it, I was almost there.

I was so tired when I was finished but it felt SO GREAT! ONE WEEK and i've lost over 2 pounds and I worked my endurance up to. I never thought I could do it. I know it will only get easier yet harder but I know i have great people to keep me at it. Today was a great day- the best one I've had in a while! and the hubby even rewarded me with my own flat screen tv in our bedroom so I don't have to bug him when he wants his COD time =]

On a Roll to Losing My Rolls :)

2011-02-26T20:54:00.000-08:00

It has not even been a full week yet since I began my life changing diet/workout plan and I could not be happier. I have gone to the gym every day but one, and in that one day I spent my 30 minutes at home doing a kick ass Jillian Michael's workout [that seriously kicked my butt] on her 30 day Shred video. In less than 5 days I have lost almost 2 1/2 pounds!!

I have to admit, I was a bit anxious about starting this work out thing. I've always kind of sucked at following through with things and especially with consistently sticking through them. I usually fail at something and just give up completely- but not with this. My best friend Tiffani and husband have been seriously along for the ride, working out right along side of me and pushing me to do my best- even when all I want to do is give up on myself. It's an amazing feeling to have two people who mean so much right there to motivate me and send me positive vibes my way. They don't ever say anything negative, they just tell me not to give up- that I can do this.

I've had a lot of people say "Oh you're not fat, you look fine, you don't need to lose weight" etc. Tiff and Rob don't say that- but they don't disagree either. They just tell me they are going to help me no matter what to get me happy with me again. It's so comforting.

So with my "measly" 2.5 pounds I am SUPER proud and can't wait to see my progress come May when we are at the huge concert [consisting of ALL of mine and Rob's favorite rock bands] and my oldest friend's wedding! I will be tan and fit and comfortable enough in my own skin to wear a dress and FLAUNT IT!!!

Another thing is that I just feel good. I've been kind of a crappy pot lately, especially with my daughter's terrible twos hitting us FULL FORCE [it's like having a teenager in my house with all her "GO AWAY, LEAVE ME ALONE, NO, ILL DO WHAT I WANT" Yea that's right. It's been tough and I gave her the first spanking she has ever had a few weeks ago. It's been a nightmare. But working out and tanning again help me to feel better. I have energy and I'm up and moving around non-stop. It's great. Now if only there was a cure for my two year olds' smart mouth. lol.

Boots Update

2011-02-25T18:27:00.000-08:00

So this morning we had to drop our dog Boots at the Vet today to spend the whole day there for his first dose of heartguard after starting his other pills. The vet had us do this because he was really worried that Boots would get sick from the heartguard.

For those of you who didn't see the post yesterday, we took our 3 year old dog in yesterday for his yearly vaccinations and checkup and his heartworm test came back positive.

Well anyway, the vet was EXTREMELY surprised and happy at the fact that Boots didn't get sick, which means that the heart worms aren't has bad as he expected them to be. There are no larvae present which means the heartworms are sterile from the heart meds he's been taken the last year. The fact that he didn't get sick also means we have a better chance of ridding the worms without any serious side affects. We are going to keep him on the meds he's on now for the next month and then take him back in to run more tests and see what method we want to end up going with. I will let you all know what's going on!

2011-02-24T15:49:00.000-08:00

Well today was awful. We got some pretty bad news - Our baby boy aka our dog Boots, is positive for heartworms. It's gonna be very very expensive to get rid of them completely. For now, the vet has him on a pill that will kill the bacteria the worms feed on and he wants to keep him on his heartgard to stop any more from infecting him. This is like so heartbreaking. Boots is the best dog EVER. All 3 of us are so attached to him, as is anyone else who comes into contact with him. I don't care what I have to do, I will make sure my baby is taken care of... But it really put a damper in my day- especially since it was so unexpected. He's been on heartworm protection and the vet said his heart sounds great and he shows no signs of having anything wrong with him but they did the test TWICE! =[ it really just sucks.

O'er the weekend =]

2011-02-21T19:53:00.000-08:00

This weekend was by far the best I've had in a long time. Friday, all the guys [my hubby, my friend Tiffani's husband, my other friend Megan's husband, and their husband's friend, R] went gun shopping and the hubby got a nice little 9mm smith and wesson =] Then they decided to all go on a road trip to pick up R's little boy. We just had girls night and hung out talking about our lives... Then Saturday we had a nice little get together/BBQ at Tiff's house. Had a few drinks and lots and lots of laughs. Then yesterday I was sick from her husband burning pine so I slept most of the day.

Today was crazy. Anyone who knows me, knows how much I HATE shopping but seeing that I've gained a bit of weight [ESPECIALLY IN MY BOOBS]. Well I hit the JACKPOT tonight- maybe because the girls were there with me but man am I gonna be looking snazzy this summer =]

As of tomorrow, I start the gym and tanning again [all thanks to Tiff getting me back in the mood] - got me nice and hot when I go to the Carolina Rebellion concert in may then my best friend's wedding later that week! I'm ready to get back to thinking good thoughts about my body! I should totally do before and after pics!!

Well hope everyone is having a great Presidents' Day!! Love you guys

Dear You

2011-02-18T06:35:00.000-08:00

Dear You,

It has been over 6 long years that you've had your claws in me, you've had the power of infiltrating my thoughts. It's been 6 years that I've blamed myself for all of your actions, that I've played the guilt in my mind over and over and over again. I had a photo challenge the other day, and it said I had to pick someone I wish I could forget, and of course you were the first person to come to mind. I always considered you my first love, but now I know you were nothing but my first disease. I was in love with the idea of being able to save you, of making a man out of you- sick I know but I didn't realize that was the case till now. You were broken, I was broken- We were just one big jumble of broken-ness. I thought I could save you and I thought that you might be able to save me too. But boy was I wrong. You were nothing but an ailment. You played sick, twisted games with my head for years- and in a way, you still have that power over me. All these years later, I still blame myself for you actions, for you choosing to commit murder. I still blame myself because I left you- I needed to save myself and now your face haunts me because I blame myself. I don't love you anymore, I in fact HATE YOU- EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU! All the words you spoke to me, all the ways you went out of your way to hurt me, the fact that you could KILL someone and then play like YOU are the victim! I hate that you took the last bit of innocence I had left- I hate that I let you. I hate that even after I met my husband and was married, you thought you still had a chance--- that I'd come running to you to raise my daughter--- THE AUDACITY for you to think such a thing. I hate that you can be so ruthless, you can threaten my life- my family and that I can be stupid enough to worry about what is happening to you while you are in prison. Maybe it's because you were there when I had nothing left, such a sick relationship we had. I was too good for you, and I hate that I didn't see that 6 years ago... but you know, I was a kid- young and stupid and so very DESPERATE for someone to love me, that I settled for you. I gave my whole self to you- something I will forever regret. What girl wants to remember her first love, the guy who took her innocence, as a damn murderer.... You ruined so much of my life, you are why I left Louisiana, why my aunt didn't want me to live with her anymore, why I fought with my foster parents, why I lost the girl I thought was my best friend... but hey- maybe you were a blessing in disguise. If the saying that everything happens for a reason is true, than you are that everything and my amazing husband is my reason.

Having him, I have realized everything you are not. You will never be a millionth of the man he is. He doesn't lie to me, cheat on me, downgrade me, make me do things I would never normally do. He loves me so much and would do ANYTHING to make me happy- he's never selfish and never makes things about HIMSELF. He's a wonderful husband and the best father I could have ever hoped for for my children! I am so thankful life took me where I am because Lord only knows I probably wouldn't be here had it not been for you....

In case you haven't figured it out yet, this is my goodbye letter. I'm ripping your claws out. I'm kicking you out of my head, my life. I refuse to have any more nightmares about you, of me trying to save you from your mistakes. IT WASNT MY FAULT! and I have finally come to terms with that. I have lived for 6 years wondering if me not being selfish and staying there would have saved you... but I know that had I not been selfish- I'd have died. I know it.

So Goodbye to you, to my past, you are the last piece that I needed to let go of. and today is my day to do just that. You won't be able to haunt my dreams anymore. I've burned every letter, every single item you ever touched. I'll change the radio station when I hear something that makes me think of you, I'll erase every memory from my brain. I hate you like I've never hated any other... I want you gone for good... You're the last broken piece of myself and it's time to pick of my pieces and realize you were nothing but a temporary piece of the puzzle to the bigger picture. May you rot in prison where you belong and think of all you've done to me and know that this is someone you will NEVER have control over again...

With Deepest Hate,
Ashley

Stupid Baby Fever [UPDATE]

2011-02-14T20:36:00.001-08:00

I just want to start off by saying thank you to all those who left comments or privately emailed me about my first post. It was very heat of the moment and a very hard thing to talk about, especially with it dealing with my marriage. Rob and I have spent the past few days talking about a lot of things dealing with this subject and in the end I now know that he hurts just as much as I do about this baby situation but he just doesn't express it the way that I do.

Among things we've talked about, is the fact that our obsession with adding to our family is taking away from Caylee- our number one priority right now. The constant sadness this is beginning to bring me is just not fair to my daughter, or Robert for that matter. I have to learn that sometimes, things just aren't meant to happen when we want them.

I can say that this situation has taught me many things- one, I do not necessarily believe in a "God" anymore [please no negative comments] but I am okay with that. I know that things aren't always going to be good and that it's not "God" I need to look to for answers or strength, it's myself, my husband, and my daughter that I need to look to- they are constant and they are always there and I can prove that.

Another thing I can say I have learned is that I now know that I need to learn to let go. Let go of my selfishness and my wants and focus on what is best for my family, even if that means I have to be patient with the baby thing. This is going to take time- and even though it's been over a year already, I am only 21- Rob is only 23- We have many more years to make this happen.

With Rob being in the army, we are blessed to have great insurance, this way we can get testing done and figure out where to start. If this takes another 6 months or 3 years, that's okay- because it's what is meant to be. If I end up never having another child, I would be sad but at least I can say that I was blessed with the most perfect child to start with.

It is going to be hard to not hurt when I see yet another person who isn't necessarily deserving of such a blessing, or even those who are deserving- but I know that one day it will be my turn again. I have to let go of the pain for a while and try and realize that this is something in my life WE CANT CONTROL!

I think maybe that's a big issue for me, another thing I have no say in. All I wanted was my babies close together- to complete my family before I got too old- maybe that's more of a hardship for me than actually not having a baby right now, knowing that I'm helpless to this situation.

I plan on making an appointment when I am home, because if there is a problem with either Rob or myself, we need to know. It will possibly be a long road but until we get this, I will have to try to be patient and stop this pain from getting the best of me, from taking me from my husband and daughter.

Thanks to all of you who have proved to be true friends in this struggle. I know I have not been the easiest person to deal with while I have been going through this heartache. I am so blessed to have the wonderful husband, family and friends that I have because you all have proved that you TRULY love and support me! I am grateful to have you all to count on on this long walk! I love you guys!

V-day

2011-02-14T08:09:00.000-08:00

I see so many statuses and blog posts about Valentine's day and I wanted to just take the time to give my feelings on this day.

For me, today [growing up] was always a day I longed for someone to hold my hand or buy me flowers. Someone to spend the rest of my life with and grow old with. The last Valentine's Day I spent alone I was TRULY ALONE- it was Feb. 2007. I was in a group home, no friends, no family, the man I thought I loved was in prison for murder. It just sucked. Who would have ever thought that one year from that day I'd be married to the man of my dreams and even be expecting a little bundle of joy.

For Rob and I, we have never really celebrated this day. As much as we have been through, even through our rough patches, Rob has never failed to show me how much he loves me EVERY SINGLE DAY! It's always random days of him coming home with flowers, or foot massages, or just him telling me a million times a day that I'm perfect and he loves me. It's something that I would have laughed at the thought of having in Feb. 2007. I never thought I deserved it but Rob has more than showed me that I do deserve him and that even when the world around me seems to be falling apart, he's right there and he can make it all right. It's been nearly 4 years we have been together and it has been truly the best 4 years of my life- even with this baby issue, I know that I am the luckiest woman in the world to be blessed with a man so wonderful as Robert- someone who can love me through all my flaws and when I didn't really deserve to be loved at all. He's my miracle and I just wanted to take the time to let the world know that today is just another day of love for us, with many more to go.

This was the day Rob left for Iraq in 2009 but it is one of my favorite pictures of the two of us <3

Robert - Thank you for all you have given me. The love we share is something I could have only ever hoped for, never did I think it was real. You show me everyday that fairytales to really exist and I just want you to know that you are my everything- my best friend, my soulmate, my lover- all wrapped into one.

Stupid Baby Fever

2011-02-12T17:45:00.000-08:00

Ugh I hate myself right now! I really do! I just got into a fight with Rob over the baby thing. I don't know why... I just for some reason blame him and it is making him angry because I just keep throwing it in his face about how everyone else is getting pregnant except for me... I know it's not his fault- he wants a baby just as bad as I do but I just feel so angry- not really at him but at everyone else and at myself. I feel like i'm broken- a woman is supposed to make babies, get pregnant and raise those children and I just feel like I'm such a screwup that some high power thought I didn't even deserve second baby--- why else would everyone else be getting a baby.... I don't even know why I'm posting this- I don't want to hear anymore about God or it's not my time... I DONT WANT TO FREAKING HEAR IT! I just want a baby--- I'm not asking anything selfishly?! or Am I? I'm good at being a mommy... I love my daughter so much and I want to feel that same love with another child--- why is that so hard for people to understand. I wish Rob knew how I felt, how much every single month kills me. I wish he would support me a little more, especially since I am having such a hard time dealing with this. I think he's just tired of the disappointment too and me lashing out on him- as though he has a say in anything.... I don't deserve him... I don't deserve another baby either I suppose. Maybe I didn't even deserve Caylee =[